April 5, 2025
906. Instead of making the right decision, make the decision right. feat. Dr. Ellen Langer's "The Mindful Body."
Have you ever been stressed out about making the right decision? Have you ever made a decision and wished you had picked the other one? Yeah, me too. Let me put your mind at ease: There is no way to absolutely know what the right decision is beforehand, so instead of stressing out about making the decision right, choose, and make the decision right.
Today's episode comes from the inspiration of Dr. Ellen Langer's book, "The Mindful Body." In this episode, I will help you be more decisive in making a decision and decide what to do if it doesn't turn out as you were hoping.
Let's get it!
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Keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough.
WEBVTT
00:00:05.269 --> 00:00:05.599
Alright, three.
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3, 2, 1. Let's get it.
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Let's talk about decisions today, man.
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How do I make better decisions?
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I do believe.
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That you can teach.
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Decision-making totally believed that in so many times, man, I've been in management really from the time I got to management, they rely more, she can't teach decision makers.
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And the reason why you're a manager is because.
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You have this innate ability to be able to make good decisions.
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It's not true, man.
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I've made some terrible decisions.
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As a manager, I've made some terrible decisions.
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As a human.
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So, but there there's so many times, man, you know, when we, when we, when we get to making decisions, Decisions are.
00:00:50.700 --> 00:00:52.740
They're based on prediction, right?
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So when you get to these crossroads in these situations and you're looking at them and you're saying, should I, or should I, what are you doing?
00:01:00.810 --> 00:01:02.909
You're you're trying to play this thing out.
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You're trying to predict.
00:01:04.709 --> 00:01:07.739
What the outcome's going to be, and you make your decision.
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Based on a favorable outcome.
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That's human nature.
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I get it.
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But Dr. Ellen Langer put a different spin on it when she was on Rich Roll's podcast.
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Because a lot of times when you're trying to make a decision.
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It's stressful.
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Isn't.
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And so you, because obviously you want it to work.
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Obviously you want it to be worth your time.
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Obviously you don't want it to blow up in your face, obviously.
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You don't want to suffer a setback.
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And she said, instead of being stressed out, About making the right decision.
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Make the decision, right.
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I just randomly choose.
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It's a different way of looking at it.
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And instead of being stressed out on making the right decision.
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Oh, what's the decision.
00:02:02.219 --> 00:02:04.379
Well, if I do this, you getting all stressed out.
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You're getting all locked up.
00:02:06.599 --> 00:02:10.439
If you have no way of predicting what the outcome is going to be.
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And dude, you really have no way of knowing.
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Until it plays itself out.
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If you're faced with trying to make this decision.
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Instead of being all.
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Cock blocked on.
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Making the right decision.
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Make the decision, right.
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Just randomly choose.
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And she said you'll actually free yourself up.
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Life actually becomes easier.
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Because no matter what the result is, it's not a final outcome.
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And so you get to certain points and maybe it wasn't the outcome that you were expecting.
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But instead of being filled with all of these regrets, because what do you do when you regret something, but you make a decision.
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Yup.
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Yup.
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You're stressed out all this time.
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You make the decision you go in with that negative energy, you go in kind of half thinking that this ain't gonna work.
00:03:03.340 --> 00:03:06.310
And then when it doesn't work, What do you do?
00:03:06.729 --> 00:03:08.710
You fill yourself with regret?
00:03:09.009 --> 00:03:13.389
And dude, you have decades worth of regret that just pile on top of pile.
00:03:14.020 --> 00:03:18.400
And what happens is, is you're trying to replay all of these moments.
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Decades of thousands of regrets that you have, and you're trying to replay it.
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And you'll never get those moments back.
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So instead.
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You get to these crossroads should, are, should I?
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And there's no way of predicting what the outcome is going to be randomly choose.
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Randomly choose.
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Because see the outcomes, the value of the outcomes are in your mind, Dr. Langer says, and she says, it's your emotional attachment?
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And the way that you understand the outcome.
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We'll determine your emotional response to it.
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But when you're more mindful.
00:04:00.799 --> 00:04:02.058
Just being in the moment.
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Then you can actually find your ranges.
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Of possibilities from there, you can look at things, look at your options.
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And then you go from there.
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So here's the thing about when you get to, to these decisions, let me help you make some decisions are when it comes to making decisions.
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When you, when you, when you're about to embark on.
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A couple of different directions to go.
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Number one.
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Good or bad.
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Factor in.
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The trade-offs.
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Just look at your list.
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A few trade-offs.
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If I were to, if I were to take this position, if I were to get promoted, what does it mean?
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Okay.
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It means more money, but also it means that I'm going to have to spend more time at work.
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It also means that.
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I, my, my flexibility of, of being able to come and go is not going to be there.
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I won't have that anymore.
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It means also that I'm not going to be able to take these longer vacations that I normally do.
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It's more commute time, whatever.
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So you look at the you, so you, you consider the trade-offs.
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You also consider the range of possible outcomes.
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So, what are the ranges of possible outcomes?
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Good are bad.
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Just jot them down.
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You just need, you know, two good ones, two bad ones, whatever.
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What comes to mind.
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Don't just look at, don't make your decisions based on.
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A perfect outcome.
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And, and don't look at your decision.
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With a worst case scenario either consider them both now.
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Based on those ranges, if you can.
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Live within those ranges, whatever it is, this could happen.
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If I make this decision, this could happen.
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If you can stomach that.
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And it falls within the range of your tolerances.
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Make the decision.
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Just choose.
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And keep going.
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C, whatever the result is.
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I think some of it, I think some of the regrets that we have man is because again, we're just attached to.
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We're kind of like half ass going into it.
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Right.
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Because in the back of our minds, we're like, is this right?
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And so we go into it, kinda expecting it to blow up, but we hope we can squeak through.
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And then the minute it blows up.
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What do you do?
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You, you get defensive and, and you, you.
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You really mentally shut down because you put so much negative emotion to it.
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And so much stock in that result.
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That instead of looking at whatever the result is, is a pin on the map.
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Again, it's.
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It's a point.
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Okay.
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It's not permanent.
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It's a moment.
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It's not a monument.
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Don't make it a monument and people make things monumental.
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Is because they make the decision.
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They had no way of knowing how it was going to play out.
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They make the decision.
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And then they just, it didn't.
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Didn't play out right.
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And they just totally get stuck in life instead of.
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Not attaching emotionally to it.
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And looking at.
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Okay.
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What's the next step.
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What's the next thing.
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So instead of being all.
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Hemmed up.
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And regretful on making the right decision.
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Whatever the outcome is.
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You make the decision, right?
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That's what I love about the, the, the, the flip side of making the right decision versus make the decision.
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Right.
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Make the decision, right.
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Means no matter what the outcome was.
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I went into it at factored in, I looked at a range of possibilities and on the back side of it, I just keep moving.
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Because whatever the result is, There's some good stuff in there.
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It may not be there.
00:08:06.120 --> 00:08:09.120
The outcome that I wanted, but it's not all bad.
00:08:09.569 --> 00:08:10.319
If.
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You don't attach these negative emotions to it.
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See, it's the emotional immaturity out.
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It's the emotional attachment.
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To the outcome.
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Coupled with.
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Your track record.
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Is why people sink it is because think about that.
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You.
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You're trying.
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You're finally trying to get your life together.
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You're finally trying to break away from.
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Your old life.
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And you get to these crossroads, like, should I, should I, you make the decision you kinda in the back of your mind are really not sure about it.
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And you think it could possibly blow up and damn it, it blows up.
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What do you do if, if your track record has not been the greatest.
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And you're a one in 50.
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Then that outcome.
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Is going to be, you're going to have a negative association to this outcome.
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You're going to attach it to your track record.
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And you're going to say I can't win for losing.
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I can't.
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I mean, I just can't get, I mean, I just, I can't even get it right.
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And that, that narrative becomes your storyline.
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And that storyline becomes your life story.
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Think about people.
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Who.
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Have had.
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Giant setbacks, people that you just sit, admire, athletes that you see on TV.
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They have these giant setbacks and you're like, bro, they seem to somehow always.
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End up being a winner.
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The reason being is because they've trained their mind to not get emotionally attached.
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To the current situation.
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They get to the, they make a decision.
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They stand firm in that decision, they play all out hundred percent on that decision.
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Given zero fucks to the second decision they could have made.
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No.
00:10:06.919 --> 00:10:07.490
Boom.
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I made the decision.
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I'm good with it.
00:10:10.159 --> 00:10:13.429
They play it out regardless of whatever the outcome is.
00:10:14.029 --> 00:10:17.210
Now they look at what are the next steps?
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What are the next things I can do?
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That's the power of reframing C reframing.
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There's a frame.
00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:34.789
Of what the current situation is, you played it and then there's the reframe, whatever the result is, one quite what I was looking for, reframe it, meaning this is where I'm at.
00:10:35.179 --> 00:10:36.590
Using the power of acceptance.
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I accept where I'm at.
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Okay.
00:10:38.269 --> 00:10:39.289
What are my next steps?
00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:40.519
What are my next options?
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They're always next, man.
00:10:43.200 --> 00:10:45.330
Let me tell you something and I can't stress this enough.
00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:46.830
There is no guarantee.
00:10:48.509 --> 00:10:50.429
That the other decision.
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:53.460
The other choice was the right choice.
00:10:53.759 --> 00:10:56.100
The nine, you can sit there and.
00:10:56.669 --> 00:11:00.779
Uh, theorize that all day long, you have no way of knowing.
00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:06.929
Unless you had made randomly made that decision and went that direction, but you have no idea.
00:11:07.110 --> 00:11:08.070
You don't know that that's gone.
00:11:08.250 --> 00:11:13.710
It doesn't matter that somebody else took that decision and you took this one, you took the right.
00:11:13.860 --> 00:11:20.009
Someone else took a left the right seems to blow up in your face, the left that person.
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:26.009
Which is what you were considering that choice and there in the land of milk and honey, they're doing great.
00:11:26.220 --> 00:11:27.269
Oh man, I should.
00:11:27.330 --> 00:11:28.169
That's what people do.
00:11:28.169 --> 00:11:28.559
Right.
00:11:28.590 --> 00:11:29.399
We all do that.
00:11:29.399 --> 00:11:31.710
We look at that and be like, Fuck.
00:11:31.740 --> 00:11:32.940
I should have gone that direction.
00:11:32.970 --> 00:11:48.179
You have no, there are so many circumstances and environments and internal situations and lifelong universal implications that it could look right right now and not end up right in the long run.
00:11:48.840 --> 00:11:54.149
So Y you, you don't know that's their game, that's their decision.
00:11:54.389 --> 00:11:55.980
You made your decisions.
00:11:56.250 --> 00:11:57.330
You're good with it.
00:11:57.600 --> 00:11:58.019
All right.
00:11:58.139 --> 00:11:59.220
Make the decision.
00:11:59.340 --> 00:12:01.559
You don't have to explain it to a bunch of fucking people.
00:12:01.710 --> 00:12:04.679
You made the decision rest in the fact of that.
00:12:05.100 --> 00:12:06.299
Don't attach anything.
00:12:06.330 --> 00:12:10.950
Start training yourself to not sit there and whine and bitch to yourself.
00:12:11.220 --> 00:12:11.850
Oh God.
00:12:11.850 --> 00:12:12.480
Damage.
00:12:13.049 --> 00:12:13.470
No.
00:12:14.519 --> 00:12:15.179
Paul's.
00:12:16.649 --> 00:12:17.639
What's the next step.
00:12:17.700 --> 00:12:18.450
What's the next thing.
00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:21.750
I'm proud that you made a decision.
00:12:22.620 --> 00:12:25.080
I was just watching something the other day on Netflix.
00:12:25.559 --> 00:12:28.169
And it was, I don't know, one of those reality shows.
00:12:28.529 --> 00:12:30.419
And the, the, the.
00:12:30.899 --> 00:12:32.879
The young lady, she's an adult.
00:12:33.299 --> 00:12:35.429
And she's like, my mom is my best friend.
00:12:35.429 --> 00:12:36.240
I go to my mom.
00:12:36.509 --> 00:12:37.500
For everything.
00:12:37.559 --> 00:12:41.070
And she was talking to her mom about something and was like, what should I do?
00:12:41.309 --> 00:12:43.740
And a mom was like, I'm not going to tell you that.
00:12:44.340 --> 00:12:46.110
And she's like, mom, just tell me what to do.
00:12:46.110 --> 00:12:47.639
And she's like, no, you're an adult.
00:12:47.639 --> 00:12:51.090
You need to make the decision and you need to learn to make decisions.
00:12:51.330 --> 00:12:52.440
And that's what happens, man.
00:12:52.590 --> 00:12:53.820
So many times.
00:12:54.389 --> 00:12:56.399
Not that you would really want to point blank.
00:12:56.399 --> 00:12:57.269
Blame your mom.
00:12:57.690 --> 00:13:00.870
But if the outcome's not right, but that's what we do.
00:13:00.870 --> 00:13:06.450
We, we get advice from other people to absolve ourselves of responsibility.
00:13:07.110 --> 00:13:09.210
So that way, if it doesn't work.
00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:10.919
Well, you told me.
00:13:11.789 --> 00:13:13.559
And we're like off the hook.
00:13:13.590 --> 00:13:17.370
No, you can consider other people's opinions.
00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:24.899
But again, their opinion does not guarantee that it's going to be the right outcome sometimes with experience.
00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:28.649
Sometimes it will many times it won't.
00:13:29.399 --> 00:13:29.850
But.
00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:32.370
Look at the ranges.
00:13:32.610 --> 00:13:37.529
Look at the possible implications, the outcomes, what are the range of possibilities?
00:13:37.559 --> 00:13:38.549
Good or bad?
00:13:39.059 --> 00:13:42.419
What are some of my trade-offs that I'm going to things I'm going to have to give up.
00:13:42.419 --> 00:13:44.549
Cause something's got to give in order to gain.
00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:45.509
Okay.
00:13:45.779 --> 00:13:46.830
So you look at that.
00:13:46.980 --> 00:13:49.919
If it works within the range, Rocko, make the decision.
00:13:50.279 --> 00:13:51.149
And let me tell you something.
00:13:51.149 --> 00:13:52.649
If you'll do this.
00:13:53.769 --> 00:13:57.889
Then whatever the result is, you reframe it, you challenge it.
00:13:58.309 --> 00:13:59.269
You play with it.
00:13:59.269 --> 00:14:00.350
Stop getting all bigly.
00:14:00.350 --> 00:14:04.039
I think we get too rigid in life and I'm talking to me, not you.
00:14:04.610 --> 00:14:07.399
But I think sometimes man, these decisions, you're just like, oh.
00:14:08.389 --> 00:14:11.990
And we hold on and we just, it just really stresses you out.
00:14:12.350 --> 00:14:13.549
It's not productive.
00:14:13.580 --> 00:14:16.190
It's not why give any emotional currency?
00:14:16.250 --> 00:14:17.629
I made the best decision.
00:14:18.169 --> 00:14:19.009
At the time.
00:14:19.460 --> 00:14:21.200
Okay, now here's the next thing.
00:14:21.559 --> 00:14:23.840
And you, what looks wrong today?
00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:25.279
May end up being.
00:14:26.059 --> 00:14:27.080
Completely right.
00:14:27.230 --> 00:14:29.809
How many times in your life have it?
00:14:29.809 --> 00:14:31.370
Did the moment suck?
00:14:31.370 --> 00:14:33.710
Did the moment looked like it was worst case?
00:14:34.429 --> 00:14:37.460
And end up 10 years from now is the best thing that ever happened for you.
00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:38.659
Dude, I have.
00:14:39.409 --> 00:14:40.279
Countless.
00:14:40.789 --> 00:14:41.659
But light stories.
00:14:41.690 --> 00:14:42.799
I can tell you about that.
00:14:43.970 --> 00:14:45.200
When you sit down and have drink.
00:14:45.830 --> 00:14:48.350
Many drinks or this is going to be a lot of stories.
00:14:48.350 --> 00:14:49.279
We all have those.
00:14:49.730 --> 00:14:50.029
Okay.
00:14:50.149 --> 00:14:51.740
So the fact.
00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:53.990
That you made a decision.
00:14:53.990 --> 00:14:54.740
I'm proud of.
00:14:55.190 --> 00:14:56.600
Good start making decisions.
00:14:57.590 --> 00:15:00.799
If you don't know if you cannot predict how it's going to come out.
00:15:01.309 --> 00:15:02.179
Randomly choose.
00:15:02.330 --> 00:15:02.809
Choose.
00:15:03.379 --> 00:15:08.450
And this is going to make you more courageous because you're going to begin to trust your gut.
00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:10.610
You're going to begin to step out there.
00:15:10.970 --> 00:15:12.830
It's going to keep you bouncing.
00:15:13.340 --> 00:15:15.289
Okay, so you won't get stuck on.
00:15:15.710 --> 00:15:15.830
Yeah.
00:15:15.860 --> 00:15:17.779
I mean, that's, that's how people pop out the other side.
00:15:17.809 --> 00:15:19.279
They just, they bounce, they don't splatter.
00:15:19.309 --> 00:15:20.809
Most people, they splatter.
00:15:21.350 --> 00:15:24.740
Because they make a decision, they attach it to the track record.
00:15:25.820 --> 00:15:27.200
Nice flat or they can't get back up.
00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:29.600
But this keeps you lied on your feet.
00:15:29.929 --> 00:15:31.669
You hold loosely to the outcome.
00:15:31.789 --> 00:15:33.620
It could be good in the moment.
00:15:33.950 --> 00:15:41.360
And then six months from now, turn out really shitty, but then whatever you take the shit you make fertilizer out of it.
00:15:42.169 --> 00:15:44.269
He just sprinkle it on your neck situation.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:47.120
You make that shit green and grow.
00:15:47.179 --> 00:15:47.870
Let's go.
00:15:48.230 --> 00:15:49.250
And that's what you do.
00:15:49.700 --> 00:15:54.860
So making decisions, man, learning to make these decisions, you can't, you don't know how it's going to play out.
00:15:55.250 --> 00:15:56.389
Randomly choose.
00:15:57.019 --> 00:15:58.940
It's going to, like I said, it's going to make you courageous.
00:15:59.090 --> 00:16:00.230
It's going to make you bold.
00:16:00.620 --> 00:16:03.259
Cause you're going to be, people are going to be like, man, you kind of crazy.
00:16:04.009 --> 00:16:05.000
He's gonna make you bold.
00:16:05.240 --> 00:16:06.590
It's gonna make you independent, you know?
00:16:06.649 --> 00:16:09.799
We'll be relying on anybody because you're not trying to blame nobody.
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:11.419
It's good to have counsel.
00:16:11.480 --> 00:16:17.090
It's good to have other people that, that give you other ways of looking at it, but ultimately you make the fucking decision.
00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:18.559
It's gonna make you more resilient.
00:16:19.309 --> 00:16:21.259
And it's going to make you a better thinker.
00:16:21.889 --> 00:16:30.080
Okay, because you'll be able to think in stressful situations, you get to these moments and you got to think things through, but then you bring into.
00:16:31.159 --> 00:16:36.080
Pull some of these experiences off the shelf and you kind of rework them, you analyze it.
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.230
You're not all a, an emotional soupy mess.
00:16:39.289 --> 00:16:41.299
And then you look at your next step from there.
00:16:41.389 --> 00:16:41.960
All right.
00:16:43.009 --> 00:16:51.379
You got all the power, man, you are more than equipped to be able to make decisions, but when you get to these, should I, or should I.
00:16:53.990 --> 00:16:56.059
And you can't predict how it's going to come out.
00:16:57.799 --> 00:16:58.730
Just make a decision.
00:17:01.850 --> 00:17:03.769
Don't worry about making the right decision.
00:17:04.609 --> 00:17:06.019
Make the decision, right.
00:17:06.019 --> 00:17:07.549
I randomly choose.
00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:08.420
All right.
00:17:08.900 --> 00:17:09.500
Let's get outta here.
00:17:09.529 --> 00:17:10.130
Keep it simple.
00:17:10.130 --> 00:17:10.730
Keep it moving.
00:17:10.730 --> 00:17:11.299
Never settle.
00:17:11.299 --> 00:17:12.440
Stay tough piece.
00:00:05.269 --> 00:00:05.599
Alright, three.
00:00:05.599 --> 00:00:06.679
3, 2, 1. Let's get it.
00:00:07.379 --> 00:00:09.240
Let's talk about decisions today, man.
00:00:09.509 --> 00:00:11.070
How do I make better decisions?
00:00:11.070 --> 00:00:12.150
I do believe.
00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:14.580
That you can teach.
00:00:14.580 --> 00:00:24.239
Decision-making totally believed that in so many times, man, I've been in management really from the time I got to management, they rely more, she can't teach decision makers.
00:00:24.239 --> 00:00:26.219
And the reason why you're a manager is because.
00:00:26.969 --> 00:00:31.469
You have this innate ability to be able to make good decisions.
00:00:31.559 --> 00:00:32.520
It's not true, man.
00:00:32.548 --> 00:00:34.140
I've made some terrible decisions.
00:00:34.140 --> 00:00:36.990
As a manager, I've made some terrible decisions.
00:00:37.710 --> 00:00:38.429
As a human.
00:00:40.859 --> 00:00:49.950
So, but there there's so many times, man, you know, when we, when we, when we get to making decisions, Decisions are.
00:00:50.700 --> 00:00:52.740
They're based on prediction, right?
00:00:52.740 --> 00:01:00.570
So when you get to these crossroads in these situations and you're looking at them and you're saying, should I, or should I, what are you doing?
00:01:00.810 --> 00:01:02.909
You're you're trying to play this thing out.
00:01:02.909 --> 00:01:04.200
You're trying to predict.
00:01:04.709 --> 00:01:07.739
What the outcome's going to be, and you make your decision.
00:01:08.219 --> 00:01:10.799
Based on a favorable outcome.
00:01:10.829 --> 00:01:11.640
That's human nature.
00:01:11.640 --> 00:01:12.269
I get it.
00:01:13.140 --> 00:01:18.569
But Dr. Ellen Langer put a different spin on it when she was on Rich Roll's podcast.
00:01:19.890 --> 00:01:23.250
Because a lot of times when you're trying to make a decision.
00:01:24.840 --> 00:01:25.560
It's stressful.
00:01:25.560 --> 00:01:25.650
Isn't.
00:01:27.060 --> 00:01:29.819
And so you, because obviously you want it to work.
00:01:29.909 --> 00:01:31.829
Obviously you want it to be worth your time.
00:01:31.920 --> 00:01:34.650
Obviously you don't want it to blow up in your face, obviously.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.200
You don't want to suffer a setback.
00:01:39.209 --> 00:01:45.299
And she said, instead of being stressed out, About making the right decision.
00:01:47.700 --> 00:01:49.049
Make the decision, right.
00:01:49.079 --> 00:01:51.359
I just randomly choose.
00:01:53.459 --> 00:01:54.719
It's a different way of looking at it.
00:01:55.140 --> 00:01:59.340
And instead of being stressed out on making the right decision.
00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:00.959
Oh, what's the decision.
00:02:02.219 --> 00:02:04.379
Well, if I do this, you getting all stressed out.
00:02:04.379 --> 00:02:05.489
You're getting all locked up.
00:02:06.599 --> 00:02:10.439
If you have no way of predicting what the outcome is going to be.
00:02:10.469 --> 00:02:12.960
And dude, you really have no way of knowing.
00:02:13.949 --> 00:02:15.449
Until it plays itself out.
00:02:16.810 --> 00:02:18.969
If you're faced with trying to make this decision.
00:02:20.710 --> 00:02:22.120
Instead of being all.
00:02:22.840 --> 00:02:24.129
Cock blocked on.
00:02:24.939 --> 00:02:26.319
Making the right decision.
00:02:27.699 --> 00:02:28.900
Make the decision, right.
00:02:29.740 --> 00:02:30.969
Just randomly choose.
00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:34.360
And she said you'll actually free yourself up.
00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:35.949
Life actually becomes easier.
00:02:36.340 --> 00:02:40.449
Because no matter what the result is, it's not a final outcome.
00:02:41.080 --> 00:02:45.580
And so you get to certain points and maybe it wasn't the outcome that you were expecting.
00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:53.650
But instead of being filled with all of these regrets, because what do you do when you regret something, but you make a decision.
00:02:53.860 --> 00:02:54.099
Yup.
00:02:54.159 --> 00:02:54.430
Yup.
00:02:54.520 --> 00:02:56.080
You're stressed out all this time.
00:02:56.379 --> 00:03:02.979
You make the decision you go in with that negative energy, you go in kind of half thinking that this ain't gonna work.
00:03:03.340 --> 00:03:06.310
And then when it doesn't work, What do you do?
00:03:06.729 --> 00:03:08.710
You fill yourself with regret?
00:03:09.009 --> 00:03:13.389
And dude, you have decades worth of regret that just pile on top of pile.
00:03:14.020 --> 00:03:18.400
And what happens is, is you're trying to replay all of these moments.
00:03:18.909 --> 00:03:24.219
Decades of thousands of regrets that you have, and you're trying to replay it.
00:03:25.180 --> 00:03:27.129
And you'll never get those moments back.
00:03:29.169 --> 00:03:30.159
So instead.
00:03:31.389 --> 00:03:34.360
You get to these crossroads should, are, should I?
00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:38.710
And there's no way of predicting what the outcome is going to be randomly choose.
00:03:39.550 --> 00:03:40.629
Randomly choose.
00:03:41.289 --> 00:03:50.800
Because see the outcomes, the value of the outcomes are in your mind, Dr. Langer says, and she says, it's your emotional attachment?
00:03:51.550 --> 00:03:53.500
And the way that you understand the outcome.
00:03:54.159 --> 00:03:56.889
We'll determine your emotional response to it.
00:03:58.039 --> 00:04:00.199
But when you're more mindful.
00:04:00.799 --> 00:04:02.058
Just being in the moment.
00:04:03.229 --> 00:04:05.210
Then you can actually find your ranges.
00:04:05.659 --> 00:04:09.679
Of possibilities from there, you can look at things, look at your options.
00:04:10.308 --> 00:04:11.299
And then you go from there.
00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:20.689
So here's the thing about when you get to, to these decisions, let me help you make some decisions are when it comes to making decisions.
00:04:21.709 --> 00:04:24.678
When you, when you, when you're about to embark on.
00:04:25.250 --> 00:04:26.928
A couple of different directions to go.
00:04:28.370 --> 00:04:29.089
Number one.
00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:30.740
Good or bad.
00:04:31.730 --> 00:04:32.689
Factor in.
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:34.309
The trade-offs.
00:04:34.879 --> 00:04:36.589
Just look at your list.
00:04:36.589 --> 00:04:37.668
A few trade-offs.
00:04:38.178 --> 00:04:42.980
If I were to, if I were to take this position, if I were to get promoted, what does it mean?
00:04:42.980 --> 00:04:43.250
Okay.
00:04:43.250 --> 00:04:48.110
It means more money, but also it means that I'm going to have to spend more time at work.
00:04:48.350 --> 00:04:49.788
It also means that.
00:04:50.178 --> 00:04:55.399
I, my, my flexibility of, of being able to come and go is not going to be there.
00:04:55.579 --> 00:04:56.928
I won't have that anymore.
00:04:57.199 --> 00:05:03.139
It means also that I'm not going to be able to take these longer vacations that I normally do.
00:05:04.110 --> 00:05:06.120
It's more commute time, whatever.
00:05:06.689 --> 00:05:11.879
So you look at the you, so you, you consider the trade-offs.
00:05:12.569 --> 00:05:16.769
You also consider the range of possible outcomes.
00:05:17.218 --> 00:05:20.189
So, what are the ranges of possible outcomes?
00:05:20.189 --> 00:05:21.120
Good are bad.
00:05:21.420 --> 00:05:22.529
Just jot them down.
00:05:22.529 --> 00:05:26.158
You just need, you know, two good ones, two bad ones, whatever.
00:05:26.189 --> 00:05:27.389
What comes to mind.
00:05:27.629 --> 00:05:30.180
Don't just look at, don't make your decisions based on.
00:05:30.870 --> 00:05:32.158
A perfect outcome.
00:05:32.490 --> 00:05:35.040
And, and don't look at your decision.
00:05:35.579 --> 00:05:39.779
With a worst case scenario either consider them both now.
00:05:40.680 --> 00:05:43.439
Based on those ranges, if you can.
00:05:44.218 --> 00:05:48.149
Live within those ranges, whatever it is, this could happen.
00:05:48.329 --> 00:05:50.579
If I make this decision, this could happen.
00:05:50.848 --> 00:05:52.769
If you can stomach that.
00:05:54.120 --> 00:05:57.540
And it falls within the range of your tolerances.
00:05:58.949 --> 00:05:59.730
Make the decision.
00:06:00.629 --> 00:06:01.290
Just choose.
00:06:02.069 --> 00:06:02.759
And keep going.
00:06:03.089 --> 00:06:04.800
C, whatever the result is.
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:12.689
I think some of it, I think some of the regrets that we have man is because again, we're just attached to.
00:06:13.019 --> 00:06:16.199
We're kind of like half ass going into it.
00:06:16.529 --> 00:06:16.889
Right.
00:06:16.889 --> 00:06:20.639
Because in the back of our minds, we're like, is this right?
00:06:21.240 --> 00:06:27.360
And so we go into it, kinda expecting it to blow up, but we hope we can squeak through.
00:06:27.870 --> 00:06:30.389
And then the minute it blows up.
00:06:30.899 --> 00:06:31.649
What do you do?
00:06:31.649 --> 00:06:35.819
You, you get defensive and, and you, you.
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:41.310
You really mentally shut down because you put so much negative emotion to it.
00:06:42.060 --> 00:06:44.699
And so much stock in that result.
00:06:45.300 --> 00:06:49.709
That instead of looking at whatever the result is, is a pin on the map.
00:06:50.069 --> 00:06:50.819
Again, it's.
00:06:51.389 --> 00:06:52.860
It's a point.
00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:54.180
Okay.
00:06:54.209 --> 00:06:55.589
It's not permanent.
00:06:56.129 --> 00:06:57.269
It's a moment.
00:06:57.329 --> 00:06:58.589
It's not a monument.
00:06:58.620 --> 00:07:02.129
Don't make it a monument and people make things monumental.
00:07:02.610 --> 00:07:04.439
Is because they make the decision.
00:07:04.920 --> 00:07:07.019
They had no way of knowing how it was going to play out.
00:07:07.019 --> 00:07:08.399
They make the decision.
00:07:09.120 --> 00:07:10.889
And then they just, it didn't.
00:07:11.310 --> 00:07:12.658
Didn't play out right.
00:07:13.290 --> 00:07:17.610
And they just totally get stuck in life instead of.
00:07:19.259 --> 00:07:21.240
Not attaching emotionally to it.
00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:22.920
And looking at.
00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:23.699
Okay.
00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:25.110
What's the next step.
00:07:25.259 --> 00:07:26.158
What's the next thing.
00:07:26.579 --> 00:07:28.050
So instead of being all.
00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:29.670
Hemmed up.
00:07:30.569 --> 00:07:33.810
And regretful on making the right decision.
00:07:35.370 --> 00:07:36.718
Whatever the outcome is.
00:07:37.019 --> 00:07:38.310
You make the decision, right?
00:07:38.519 --> 00:07:45.060
That's what I love about the, the, the, the flip side of making the right decision versus make the decision.
00:07:45.060 --> 00:07:45.540
Right.
00:07:45.990 --> 00:07:47.490
Make the decision, right.
00:07:47.550 --> 00:07:50.370
Means no matter what the outcome was.
00:07:50.819 --> 00:07:59.790
I went into it at factored in, I looked at a range of possibilities and on the back side of it, I just keep moving.
00:08:00.269 --> 00:08:04.620
Because whatever the result is, There's some good stuff in there.
00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:05.459
It may not be there.
00:08:06.120 --> 00:08:09.120
The outcome that I wanted, but it's not all bad.
00:08:09.569 --> 00:08:10.319
If.
00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:14.550
You don't attach these negative emotions to it.
00:08:15.209 --> 00:08:17.759
See, it's the emotional immaturity out.
00:08:17.968 --> 00:08:20.218
It's the emotional attachment.
00:08:21.238 --> 00:08:22.290
To the outcome.
00:08:22.889 --> 00:08:24.180
Coupled with.
00:08:25.050 --> 00:08:26.519
Your track record.
00:08:27.389 --> 00:08:31.259
Is why people sink it is because think about that.
00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:32.159
You.
00:08:32.730 --> 00:08:33.328
You're trying.
00:08:33.359 --> 00:08:35.460
You're finally trying to get your life together.
00:08:35.639 --> 00:08:37.710
You're finally trying to break away from.
00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:39.389
Your old life.
00:08:39.779 --> 00:08:50.039
And you get to these crossroads, like, should I, should I, you make the decision you kinda in the back of your mind are really not sure about it.
00:08:50.519 --> 00:08:54.929
And you think it could possibly blow up and damn it, it blows up.
00:08:55.109 --> 00:09:00.059
What do you do if, if your track record has not been the greatest.
00:09:00.450 --> 00:09:02.339
And you're a one in 50.
00:09:04.289 --> 00:09:05.818
Then that outcome.
00:09:06.299 --> 00:09:09.990
Is going to be, you're going to have a negative association to this outcome.
00:09:10.409 --> 00:09:12.629
You're going to attach it to your track record.
00:09:12.990 --> 00:09:15.059
And you're going to say I can't win for losing.
00:09:15.839 --> 00:09:16.200
I can't.
00:09:16.200 --> 00:09:20.220
I mean, I just can't get, I mean, I just, I can't even get it right.
00:09:20.460 --> 00:09:24.480
And that, that narrative becomes your storyline.
00:09:25.109 --> 00:09:27.899
And that storyline becomes your life story.
00:09:29.480 --> 00:09:30.559
Think about people.
00:09:31.610 --> 00:09:32.179
Who.
00:09:32.779 --> 00:09:33.559
Have had.
00:09:33.889 --> 00:09:39.080
Giant setbacks, people that you just sit, admire, athletes that you see on TV.
00:09:39.110 --> 00:09:44.179
They have these giant setbacks and you're like, bro, they seem to somehow always.
00:09:44.779 --> 00:09:45.889
End up being a winner.
00:09:46.279 --> 00:09:52.220
The reason being is because they've trained their mind to not get emotionally attached.
00:09:52.759 --> 00:09:54.289
To the current situation.
00:09:54.679 --> 00:09:56.659
They get to the, they make a decision.
00:09:58.129 --> 00:10:02.809
They stand firm in that decision, they play all out hundred percent on that decision.
00:10:03.350 --> 00:10:06.320
Given zero fucks to the second decision they could have made.
00:10:06.350 --> 00:10:06.740
No.
00:10:06.919 --> 00:10:07.490
Boom.
00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:08.840
I made the decision.
00:10:08.899 --> 00:10:09.830
I'm good with it.
00:10:10.159 --> 00:10:13.429
They play it out regardless of whatever the outcome is.
00:10:14.029 --> 00:10:17.210
Now they look at what are the next steps?
00:10:17.480 --> 00:10:18.950
What are the next things I can do?
00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:22.070
That's the power of reframing C reframing.
00:10:22.070 --> 00:10:22.970
There's a frame.
00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:34.789
Of what the current situation is, you played it and then there's the reframe, whatever the result is, one quite what I was looking for, reframe it, meaning this is where I'm at.
00:10:35.179 --> 00:10:36.590
Using the power of acceptance.
00:10:36.620 --> 00:10:37.789
I accept where I'm at.
00:10:38.029 --> 00:10:38.269
Okay.
00:10:38.269 --> 00:10:39.289
What are my next steps?
00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:40.519
What are my next options?
00:10:40.549 --> 00:10:41.899
They're always next, man.
00:10:43.200 --> 00:10:45.330
Let me tell you something and I can't stress this enough.
00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:46.830
There is no guarantee.
00:10:48.509 --> 00:10:50.429
That the other decision.
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:53.460
The other choice was the right choice.
00:10:53.759 --> 00:10:56.100
The nine, you can sit there and.
00:10:56.669 --> 00:11:00.779
Uh, theorize that all day long, you have no way of knowing.
00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:06.929
Unless you had made randomly made that decision and went that direction, but you have no idea.
00:11:07.110 --> 00:11:08.070
You don't know that that's gone.
00:11:08.250 --> 00:11:13.710
It doesn't matter that somebody else took that decision and you took this one, you took the right.
00:11:13.860 --> 00:11:20.009
Someone else took a left the right seems to blow up in your face, the left that person.
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:26.009
Which is what you were considering that choice and there in the land of milk and honey, they're doing great.
00:11:26.220 --> 00:11:27.269
Oh man, I should.
00:11:27.330 --> 00:11:28.169
That's what people do.
00:11:28.169 --> 00:11:28.559
Right.
00:11:28.590 --> 00:11:29.399
We all do that.
00:11:29.399 --> 00:11:31.710
We look at that and be like, Fuck.
00:11:31.740 --> 00:11:32.940
I should have gone that direction.
00:11:32.970 --> 00:11:48.179
You have no, there are so many circumstances and environments and internal situations and lifelong universal implications that it could look right right now and not end up right in the long run.
00:11:48.840 --> 00:11:54.149
So Y you, you don't know that's their game, that's their decision.
00:11:54.389 --> 00:11:55.980
You made your decisions.
00:11:56.250 --> 00:11:57.330
You're good with it.
00:11:57.600 --> 00:11:58.019
All right.
00:11:58.139 --> 00:11:59.220
Make the decision.
00:11:59.340 --> 00:12:01.559
You don't have to explain it to a bunch of fucking people.
00:12:01.710 --> 00:12:04.679
You made the decision rest in the fact of that.
00:12:05.100 --> 00:12:06.299
Don't attach anything.
00:12:06.330 --> 00:12:10.950
Start training yourself to not sit there and whine and bitch to yourself.
00:12:11.220 --> 00:12:11.850
Oh God.
00:12:11.850 --> 00:12:12.480
Damage.
00:12:13.049 --> 00:12:13.470
No.
00:12:14.519 --> 00:12:15.179
Paul's.
00:12:16.649 --> 00:12:17.639
What's the next step.
00:12:17.700 --> 00:12:18.450
What's the next thing.
00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:21.750
I'm proud that you made a decision.
00:12:22.620 --> 00:12:25.080
I was just watching something the other day on Netflix.
00:12:25.559 --> 00:12:28.169
And it was, I don't know, one of those reality shows.
00:12:28.529 --> 00:12:30.419
And the, the, the.
00:12:30.899 --> 00:12:32.879
The young lady, she's an adult.
00:12:33.299 --> 00:12:35.429
And she's like, my mom is my best friend.
00:12:35.429 --> 00:12:36.240
I go to my mom.
00:12:36.509 --> 00:12:37.500
For everything.
00:12:37.559 --> 00:12:41.070
And she was talking to her mom about something and was like, what should I do?
00:12:41.309 --> 00:12:43.740
And a mom was like, I'm not going to tell you that.
00:12:44.340 --> 00:12:46.110
And she's like, mom, just tell me what to do.
00:12:46.110 --> 00:12:47.639
And she's like, no, you're an adult.
00:12:47.639 --> 00:12:51.090
You need to make the decision and you need to learn to make decisions.
00:12:51.330 --> 00:12:52.440
And that's what happens, man.
00:12:52.590 --> 00:12:53.820
So many times.
00:12:54.389 --> 00:12:56.399
Not that you would really want to point blank.
00:12:56.399 --> 00:12:57.269
Blame your mom.
00:12:57.690 --> 00:13:00.870
But if the outcome's not right, but that's what we do.
00:13:00.870 --> 00:13:06.450
We, we get advice from other people to absolve ourselves of responsibility.
00:13:07.110 --> 00:13:09.210
So that way, if it doesn't work.
00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:10.919
Well, you told me.
00:13:11.789 --> 00:13:13.559
And we're like off the hook.
00:13:13.590 --> 00:13:17.370
No, you can consider other people's opinions.
00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:24.899
But again, their opinion does not guarantee that it's going to be the right outcome sometimes with experience.
00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:28.649
Sometimes it will many times it won't.
00:13:29.399 --> 00:13:29.850
But.
00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:32.370
Look at the ranges.
00:13:32.610 --> 00:13:37.529
Look at the possible implications, the outcomes, what are the range of possibilities?
00:13:37.559 --> 00:13:38.549
Good or bad?
00:13:39.059 --> 00:13:42.419
What are some of my trade-offs that I'm going to things I'm going to have to give up.
00:13:42.419 --> 00:13:44.549
Cause something's got to give in order to gain.
00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:45.509
Okay.
00:13:45.779 --> 00:13:46.830
So you look at that.
00:13:46.980 --> 00:13:49.919
If it works within the range, Rocko, make the decision.
00:13:50.279 --> 00:13:51.149
And let me tell you something.
00:13:51.149 --> 00:13:52.649
If you'll do this.
00:13:53.769 --> 00:13:57.889
Then whatever the result is, you reframe it, you challenge it.
00:13:58.309 --> 00:13:59.269
You play with it.
00:13:59.269 --> 00:14:00.350
Stop getting all bigly.
00:14:00.350 --> 00:14:04.039
I think we get too rigid in life and I'm talking to me, not you.
00:14:04.610 --> 00:14:07.399
But I think sometimes man, these decisions, you're just like, oh.
00:14:08.389 --> 00:14:11.990
And we hold on and we just, it just really stresses you out.
00:14:12.350 --> 00:14:13.549
It's not productive.
00:14:13.580 --> 00:14:16.190
It's not why give any emotional currency?
00:14:16.250 --> 00:14:17.629
I made the best decision.
00:14:18.169 --> 00:14:19.009
At the time.
00:14:19.460 --> 00:14:21.200
Okay, now here's the next thing.
00:14:21.559 --> 00:14:23.840
And you, what looks wrong today?
00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:25.279
May end up being.
00:14:26.059 --> 00:14:27.080
Completely right.
00:14:27.230 --> 00:14:29.809
How many times in your life have it?
00:14:29.809 --> 00:14:31.370
Did the moment suck?
00:14:31.370 --> 00:14:33.710
Did the moment looked like it was worst case?
00:14:34.429 --> 00:14:37.460
And end up 10 years from now is the best thing that ever happened for you.
00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:38.659
Dude, I have.
00:14:39.409 --> 00:14:40.279
Countless.
00:14:40.789 --> 00:14:41.659
But light stories.
00:14:41.690 --> 00:14:42.799
I can tell you about that.
00:14:43.970 --> 00:14:45.200
When you sit down and have drink.
00:14:45.830 --> 00:14:48.350
Many drinks or this is going to be a lot of stories.
00:14:48.350 --> 00:14:49.279
We all have those.
00:14:49.730 --> 00:14:50.029
Okay.
00:14:50.149 --> 00:14:51.740
So the fact.
00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:53.990
That you made a decision.
00:14:53.990 --> 00:14:54.740
I'm proud of.
00:14:55.190 --> 00:14:56.600
Good start making decisions.
00:14:57.590 --> 00:15:00.799
If you don't know if you cannot predict how it's going to come out.
00:15:01.309 --> 00:15:02.179
Randomly choose.
00:15:02.330 --> 00:15:02.809
Choose.
00:15:03.379 --> 00:15:08.450
And this is going to make you more courageous because you're going to begin to trust your gut.
00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:10.610
You're going to begin to step out there.
00:15:10.970 --> 00:15:12.830
It's going to keep you bouncing.
00:15:13.340 --> 00:15:15.289
Okay, so you won't get stuck on.
00:15:15.710 --> 00:15:15.830
Yeah.
00:15:15.860 --> 00:15:17.779
I mean, that's, that's how people pop out the other side.
00:15:17.809 --> 00:15:19.279
They just, they bounce, they don't splatter.
00:15:19.309 --> 00:15:20.809
Most people, they splatter.
00:15:21.350 --> 00:15:24.740
Because they make a decision, they attach it to the track record.
00:15:25.820 --> 00:15:27.200
Nice flat or they can't get back up.
00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:29.600
But this keeps you lied on your feet.
00:15:29.929 --> 00:15:31.669
You hold loosely to the outcome.
00:15:31.789 --> 00:15:33.620
It could be good in the moment.
00:15:33.950 --> 00:15:41.360
And then six months from now, turn out really shitty, but then whatever you take the shit you make fertilizer out of it.
00:15:42.169 --> 00:15:44.269
He just sprinkle it on your neck situation.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:47.120
You make that shit green and grow.
00:15:47.179 --> 00:15:47.870
Let's go.
00:15:48.230 --> 00:15:49.250
And that's what you do.
00:15:49.700 --> 00:15:54.860
So making decisions, man, learning to make these decisions, you can't, you don't know how it's going to play out.
00:15:55.250 --> 00:15:56.389
Randomly choose.
00:15:57.019 --> 00:15:58.940
It's going to, like I said, it's going to make you courageous.
00:15:59.090 --> 00:16:00.230
It's going to make you bold.
00:16:00.620 --> 00:16:03.259
Cause you're going to be, people are going to be like, man, you kind of crazy.
00:16:04.009 --> 00:16:05.000
He's gonna make you bold.
00:16:05.240 --> 00:16:06.590
It's gonna make you independent, you know?
00:16:06.649 --> 00:16:09.799
We'll be relying on anybody because you're not trying to blame nobody.
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:11.419
It's good to have counsel.
00:16:11.480 --> 00:16:17.090
It's good to have other people that, that give you other ways of looking at it, but ultimately you make the fucking decision.
00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:18.559
It's gonna make you more resilient.
00:16:19.309 --> 00:16:21.259
And it's going to make you a better thinker.
00:16:21.889 --> 00:16:30.080
Okay, because you'll be able to think in stressful situations, you get to these moments and you got to think things through, but then you bring into.
00:16:31.159 --> 00:16:36.080
Pull some of these experiences off the shelf and you kind of rework them, you analyze it.
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.230
You're not all a, an emotional soupy mess.
00:16:39.289 --> 00:16:41.299
And then you look at your next step from there.
00:16:41.389 --> 00:16:41.960
All right.
00:16:43.009 --> 00:16:51.379
You got all the power, man, you are more than equipped to be able to make decisions, but when you get to these, should I, or should I.
00:16:53.990 --> 00:16:56.059
And you can't predict how it's going to come out.
00:16:57.799 --> 00:16:58.730
Just make a decision.
00:17:01.850 --> 00:17:03.769
Don't worry about making the right decision.
00:17:04.609 --> 00:17:06.019
Make the decision, right.
00:17:06.019 --> 00:17:07.549
I randomly choose.
00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:08.420
All right.
00:17:08.900 --> 00:17:09.500
Let's get outta here.
00:17:09.529 --> 00:17:10.130
Keep it simple.
00:17:10.130 --> 00:17:10.730
Keep it moving.
00:17:10.730 --> 00:17:11.299
Never settle.
00:17:11.299 --> 00:17:12.440
Stay tough piece.