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May 24, 2021

637. Ego. Should you keep it or kill it?

637. Ego. Should you keep it or kill it?

One thing I love about doing a podcast is learning from other podcasts and sharing my perspective with others. Joe Ferraro of the "One Percent Better Podcast" and Alan Stein, Jr. of the "Raise Your Game Show" had a discussion about the EGO.

The age old question is what do you do with the ego? Keep it or kill it? Some say you should not have an ego. I say you MUST have an ego, but the right kind of ego.

There are 2 types of ego: A big ego and a strong ego.

Using their framework, I'm unpacking the EGO further.

Check out both of their podcasts:

Joe Ferraro "One Percent Better Podcast."
Alan Stein Jr. "Raise Your Game Show." 

Transcript

Let's talk about your ego today. And you hear so many conflicting messages about the ego. What do I do with my ego? Should I keep my ego or should I kill it? And the fact of the matter is you need an ego. Because there's no way, man, that you're going to be able to play in your sales life. There's no way that you're going to be able to sell your way through life without an ego. See, you need an ego. So that way you can play a bigger version of yourself. And this whole topic got me to thinking. I was listening to, , Alan Stein Jr. And Joe Ferraro, both guys that I respect immensely and they both have their own podcast and, they were collaborating together asking the question "Is ego the enemy?" And should you have ego? Or what form of ego is good or bad. And the topic , got me to thinking you need an ego, but I had to pull the ego apart and break it down a little bit for you. There's two types of ego. There's a strong ego. And there's a big ego and you need a dominant form of ego, but the dominant form of ego that you need is the strong ego so what's ego ? And I like the framework that they use, they use Bruce Lee's definition of ego and Bruce Lee's definition of ego is ,"Ego is a personal sense of self-esteem. And self-importance." And so when you're working in your sales life, you got to lead and you've got to dominate with a strong ego. Not a big ego. Strong egos , , have an internal drive. It's different it's that inner hum . When you, when you look at a big ego person, they need external validation. And dude, I've met and worked with a lot of big ego people, and they were always the look at me. Right. People with big egos, they want to fill the room up. They want the whole room to notice. Look at me, that's a big ego person, but , what's interesting about a big ego person is when the heat turns up, they're super, super fragile inside. They can't handle it. A person with a strong ego, which is what you need to dominate with. When you have a strong ego, not a big ego, a strong ego. When you have a strong ego, the self comes first because it goes back to Bruce Lee's definition, a personal sense of self-esteem and self-importance see everything I do. I had that esteem self-esteem is that self-respect I have that respect that if I'm going to put my time into this thing, I've got enough respect to give my very best. The self-importance is everything that I do is important. See, it's my muse. It's my art. It's my craft. I'm going to give my very best and everything that I do. Big Ego people flex . They crave the applause, they need the applause. But the problem with big ego people is when the applause dries. So do they, andthey'll run for the Hills and they'll run to a different job or the run to a different capacity. And let's say like that game anyway, right? It's like burning a piece of paper, big flame at first. But if you don't add more paper to it, more applause, they flame out. That's what big ego people do. Big ego people, flex whereas strong ego people. Well, they practice, The art of self-esteem and self-importance. And if you, if you've ever met somebody that had a strong ego, it's kind of like wealthy people. They don't proclaim it, but you get a sense of it. You feel it, they have a different energy about themselves. Now don't get me wrong. Strong ego people. It's not that they're meek strong ego people. They want to dominate strong ego. People want to win. Absolutely. But it's a different sense. They want to win. Because they have the self-esteem, they have the self-importance. So if I'm going to show up on this game, I'm going to dominate. I'm going to win because see, I've put in so much work in the offline. Everything that's done in the dark will come to light. Right. And I mean that in a productive way. So the dark time hours that they put in, meaning that when, when the street lights go out or there are no lights, they turn on the headlights on their car and they keep practicing. They tell other people to go ahead, go on without me. I got to keep working. See that's that strong ego, the strong ego people are the ones that work with the customers continue working with the customers, even though they've been getting beat all day long yet they've got that strong ego and they say, one more, one more big ego people can't hang. Let me tell you what big ego people do when they lose. They blame and they blame other people and they blame other things. And you know, the balls weren't properly inflated. And, , this person didn't want to help me out and I didn't have the right ingredients, but when strong ego people operate, they go back to the lab, win or lose. And they keep practicing strong ego people fulfill a role and the role is a role of leadership . Big ego people say, I'm all you need. I'm the Messiah. I'm it. And what I find interesting as I was thinking about this big ego people versus strong ego people, big ego people. I think like your legends, Michael Jordan, Kobe, LeBron, I think many of those athletes came into the league with a big ego yet as they became seasoned, they realized I'm not all you need. And they fulfilled the role. And they went from having a big ego to a strong ego and they fulfill the role of being a leader, but they also assembled a supporting cast as well. I want to wind up with one last thing, and I'll put the, links in the, notes, as I was listening to the episode, they tended to use confidence and ego interchangeably, which got me to thinking again, so I love about podcasts makes me think is. Is confidence and ego. The same thing. No, it's not. It's not. So you can't use them interchangeably. See confidence, births the ego because confidence is a surety about yourself and. Ego ego is a separation. So see, you have to have the confidence in your skills. You have to have the confidence in your abilities. You have to have the confidence in all that you do. And because of that confidence, that's what gives birth to the ego and the ego. Is what then that's what separates you from everybody else? I think it was episode #585 I was talking about this. And do you go to work to stay or do you go to work to separate when you have that confidence and you have a strong ego then, whatever it is that you do, , you go to work with that strong ego work to separate yourself. So you don't stay with the masses. It's not that you don't need a supporting cast. Absolutely you do. But you're on a different wavelength. You're on a different energy level because , I'm not going to half ass, this thing I'm going to show up. And I work to separate, I work to separate myself from everybody else from the masses. And I think sometimes we tend to block our own success. Because we don't know what to do with the ego. We don't even know what the ego's primary role is. And you need ego and you need a lot of ego, but you need strong ego. And what I really like about this. And I want you to kind of break it down. What kind of ego are you operating with? Do you tend to blame? Do you tend to have that negative speech? , does your ego go up and down? You're probably operating on a big ego versus a strong ego. That strong ego is that internal drive that even though I don't have the external validation, even though I don't have the applause, even though externally things, aren't going my way, because I operate with a strong ego. Chop wood carry water. Right. And what's really cool about this. When you can spot it in shift into a strong ego. Self-esteem, self-importance everything. I do I dominate, but it's that internal game. And I'm trying to get to my point. Strong ego people recognize other strong ego people, but strong ego people also recognize big ego people. Now from the outside, from outsiders who don't know the differences in the ego, they could interpret your ego as big ego. When in fact you're churning with a strong ego, they just, they don't know how to interpret it. So that's the only way. But what's really cool when you're operating with a strong ego and you come up against a big ego person, you know, they can't hang because they're hollow inside. Break down. Your ego is today. Dominate big ego is good, but it needs to be very, very small percentage. Everything that you've dominated. You've got to have an ego to be successful, but you got to have a lot of strong ego. That's the internal game. No blame, no shame. Chop wood, carry water. Remember the greatest sale that you will ever make is the sale you on you because you're more than enough. Stay amazing. Stay in the sales life.