805. Focus On Your 'First Day' Not Your 'Worst Day.'

All right. 3, 2, 1. Let's get it. Welcome to another episode of what's your problem? I'm your host marsh byes. And what's your problem? Dives deep. And the problems that we all face is three of them, adversity, uncertainty, and complacency, and listening to this podcast, you're going to develop some tools. To be able to handle the adversity, embrace uncertainty. And never settled again. The good news is these tools. These skills are already within communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning. And apply what you learn. And then confrontation. These are things that you don't have to get from anybody you don't have to buy from anybody. You already have them within. But you've got to develop these skills. And so I hope that every episode that you listened to will help enhance those skills because the situation, the problem that you're facing, whether it be adversity, uncertainty, or complacency, one more are all of them. Are due to a lack of one or more of the five CS, the communication, curiosity, creativity. Continuous learning and action and productive confrontation. So today, man, I want to. I want to dive into focusing on your first day. Not your worst day. And this philosophy isn't just about dealing with any sort of financial crisis or your personal setbacks. It's not about that at all. It's about fundamentally changing. How you approach. Life's difficulties where you always make it and stay in front of a first day, but the way to get to the first day back to a first day mentality that I'll explain to you here in just a second. The way that you get into this first day mentality. Is you got to focus. Not on the cure, but what was the calls? What was the first day? What was the thing that led you to this path? Anyway? And the idea of today's episode came from a real world experience. I try to relate all of these things to real world experiences that I've had in conversations. Sometimes as things that I've read sometimes as things that I've read and personally experienced. But I got a phone call, man. And it was a young man that. Um, he's in a tough spot right now. And my heart really, really bleeds for him because, you know, He worked hard for, for a long time. Once he graduated high school to gain his independence, his financial independence. And the way that he did that, his, his, he didn't run out there and get a bunch of credit cards. He worked on. Um, uh, getting his skill set up so that way he could be, um, uh, He could be. Uh, more developed and being able to get ahead. He didn't want to go to college. And so he wanted to develop some skills, so that way he could earn good money, but also what he wanted to do was buy his first car. And he didn't want anybody to co-sign form or anything like that. And he did just that he saved up his money. He would come once a week and look at the different vehicles on the lot. And we would talk about it. And there were many times where he just wanted to get something. But he was patient. He would, he would initially have that emotion to it. And then he was like, sorry, I'm going to come back for exactly the one that he won't. And he bought exactly the one that he wanted. And dude, I just remember that day when he bought it, he got a great interest rate. He had a large down payment. He, uh, had a. A really good payment. Um, and a worst case scenario kind of situation. As I told him, I said, before you buy, always focus on what is the worst case scenario. If they cut all your hours out, always base your decisions based on worst case, not best case. If you do that, then you'll, you won't find yourself in a desperate situation. Um, because that's what a lot of young adults do. Is, they are getting a bunch of overtime. They're making a bunch of extra money. And then what they'll do is they'll manage their. Decisions buying decisions. Based on. As much as they're making and not in a worst case scenario. So then when the worst case scenario does come and it always does, life is cyclical. Um, that when things bottom out, they find themselves in a desperate position situation. So this is all about positioning. Um, and so he, here he is today. He's in a tough, tough situation. And he's about to lose his car. And, you know, we talked about those different things. I said, man, look, been there, done that. I've had that situation. And instead of sitting here beating yourself up, because I know there was some different turns that you, or some wrong turns that you've made. As what we need to focus on, we don't need to look at your worst day. We need to look at the first day. It's not about the miss payments. There are some deeper issues here. And it's a, it's a, it's a situation that many of us can relate to. Because, you know, looking for quick, fix a cure to your, whatever your problem is. You know, That's just going to get you back in the same situation that you're in. And I relate this back to my bankruptcy many years ago. I remember. Um, a confidant of mine. I told him, you know, how much debt I had. And he said, you know, marsh, I could write a check for it and get you out of this situation. And then me, and you could just square up later as things get better. He said, bye. You're going to be right back in the situation. So you're going to have to go through this bankruptcy and it's going to be tough. It's going to be painful, but I'm sorry. So, and that's the only way that you're going to learn. So it was terrible. Um, but I'm so grateful for it because I had to get to the, I had to face the, instead of finding a quick fix a cure. I had to go back to the calls. What was it? The decisions. That led me to here. And so in talking to this young man and relating more with my personal experience. I told him, I said, man, you need the focus. We need to talk about your first day. Not your worst day. You're in a worst day situation. You're going to have to start over. It's going to be painful. They're going to Sue you. Um, and you, you need to be prepared for that and here's, what's going to happen. Um, I told them, I say, this is, this has been there. So, this is what's going to happen, but I said, focus on your first day. What were the things that led to this thing? And this is a concept that I picked up from former NBA star, Chris Herron. And this is the way that he turned his life around and now he relates to young adults. He goes all over the country and speaks to them. And it really focuses on the understanding of the initial steps, your first day steps. What led to your situation. And some of these are financial situations. Some of these are terrible. Uh, addictions. But whatever it is, whatever your S your problem is right now. Focusing on worst day. And how do I get out of this? You got to keep it real. There is no quick pill. There is no quick fix. There's no lottery winning that you're going to make. And so while you work at working out of this situation, you must go back to the first day. And what was the, what was the doorstep? What was the precipice that caused. A chain of events in this situation in the first place. And so relating this back to this young man's journey. Do this is a textbook example. We've all been there. And so for him, you know, when we started talking about the first day, It was, you know, he, he, uh, got a good job. And so he passed his exam. Got a good job. He took out a small loan. That was an investment loan. It wasn't a student loan. But it was a skill alone. So he took out a loan. So that way, he get his CDL license and start driving big trucks. And so he did that worth the investment. I think it was like five grand. Perfect. Cause he's gonna, he'll be able to pay that off. It's better than a hundred thousand dollars student loan debt. And so once that happened, once he did that, he got himself a good job. Well, once you get a good job, what do you do as a young man? You're tired of from a, you're tired of listening to your parents. So you want to get your own place. And so he moved out because he was eager for his independence. What are you supposed to do? Get it. But here's the thing where things began to, to wobble a little bit. He got a two bedroom apartment. And he hooked up with one of his friends to move in with them. And I told him, I said, dude, before you do this, number one, make the decision in a worst case scenario. If that friend moves out, can you handle. And support. Paying the rent and everything else that comes with it, along with your obligations and still living in, you're not going to be stretched them. Unfortunately, he didn't really listen to that. And low and behold, cause I've never seen a roommate situation really work out at all. She had got a one bedroom, but he got a two bedroom and you got to let it play itself out. Well, the way it plays itself out, everybody's nodding their head, listening to this who has done this roommate ended up out of a job. And so the roommate got the ride for free. And while he continued to. Bust his ass to pay both him and the roommates utilities, cable, bill rent. Plus he had the obligations of paying that, that skill loan back. And then he had auto insurance. He had fuel and he had the car payment to make, to. And so the stress, especially at a very young age, this is the first adult stress thing that he fell into really strange as financings. And so because of the strain and because of the mental strain and the physical strain to that more so mental, I guess, than anything. He started taking a few days off at work. He had a great relationship with the bosses. Unfortunately, took that for granted. And so he started taking some days off his work ethic started going down. The reason why they really fell in love with him was because he did any and all he went there, he did the jobs, he made it happen. And so they kept giving him more work, but then he flipped the leverage around and started taking advantage of that. And calling in while they couldn't depend on him much anymore, they moved them to a different location. And they started cutting his hours back. So this just made the situation even worse. And talking to him about this, man, I totally relate to this thing. Because I found myself, like I was talking, talking to you at the beginning. Dude. I had a hundred thousand dollars in credit card debt. Just credit cards, not, not extra loans, not refinancing the house. That's other stuff had a hundred thousand dollars in credit card, debt owed $50,000 to the IRS. It was so bad. In fact that the IRS said, they said, If you put up, if you always one more dollar, we are filing former, former formal charges to start. Garnishing your wages. Because you're not making a dent in this at all. And years adding to the bill. And I had the face, this hard, hard, hard situation. And go back to the first day. So while I worked on the cure and the cure was, I had to bankrupt. So I had to start, I built my credit up do, when I got into the car business, I was like a 500 beacon. It was terrible. And I'd worked as success rose. Complacency or comfort. I wasn't complacent because I did work hard, but the con the, the complacency, the comfort set in. And I began to. Really rest on the, the car business, continuing to bring me fruitful months. And I just kept, you know, I improve my credit and, you know, I was like a seven 50 and got myself a house and then got myself a pool. And then. To maintain that lifestyle. You know, I got other things, too. We got a pool house. I got a bathroom out back with a shower and, you know, just all kind of bullshit. And at at the same time, man, I was really mortgaging my future on these things. And just kept racking it up. Well, The reason why I was doing all of this, the reason why I was buying all the expensive things and the expensive trips and drinking every single day. This is where I had to go back to my first day. Because I was in a worse situation. Was. I was in a toxic relationship and to keep from fighting. I just threw money at the situation I didn't confront. This is why confrontation is so key that I always talk about. On all of my episodes now. So the toxic relationship and the avoidance of confrontation and conflict resolution wouldn't do that. And it just gets worse when you don't, it will not fix itself hoping that money would fix it. It did not. It will not. If you have not done this. Take it from old Wonka marsh. It's not going to fix it. And so I had to go back to the first day. What was the thing that led to all of this? And that's what you have to do is you have to, in order to really. Transform this change. They're curious. It's probably going to be nasty, whatever your situation is. So stop looking for the lifeboat to come by, stop waiting for the economy to improve, stop waiting for the winning lottery ticket. What is it that you can do right now? You're going to have to work out of this. That's your cure, but your cure is not a quick fix to cure. Is this is going to take a long time to work out of took me seven years to work out of that bankruptcy. Um, and it's the best thing that ever happened for me, it seemed like it was forever. In retrospect, I'm better for it. And it wasn't as long as what I thought it was. I just never want to put myself in that position again. And the way that you do that. Is you always stay in front of your first day and that's the message that I want to relate to you. I don't want to give you a few takeaways that you can, if you find yourself in a situation. Where you're just looking for prince charming. Prince charming is. Our princess charming. To come by and help you out. It's not going to happen, man. So, let me give you a few takeaways that you can begin to initiate the change on that. Number one, you got to confront the calls. That's your first day. So you got to look beyond, stop beating yourself up. Look, it's already done. So go back. What was the thing? What was the lead domino that started all these things? And it's not, you do not have permission to finger point at any body or anything. It's basically acknowledging, okay, this was the turn. And so you, you can't go after that other person, it's your it's unproductive. It's destructive. It's not going to get you anywhere. So what you got to do is you've got to just confront it, first of all. Okay. Who did you partner up with? What decisions led to, to these situations? The second thing is you got to take ownership and this is going to bring about some, self-awareness acknowledge your part in it. And I want you to your part in it is a hundred percent. It's a hundred percent. My relationship woes that I've had, I'm a hundred percent responsible for those. And they're responsible for a hundred percent of theirs. That's it? I don't have the capacity or the mental currency to say, because otherwise we're just, we're we're we're hurling. Molotov cocktails. At each other, hoping they explode on one eye. Look. It's not going to get you any good at all. So taking ownership of these things, these, or you're going to be able to, with this self-awareness, you're going to be able to see. The things that triggered. Okay. What were the things that got you on this path? And having that awareness is what's going, creating the awareness is what's going to help you in the future. So that way you never find yourself. In a worst day. Again, you always keep you keep every day as a first day. The third point I want to make to you. Is you gotta be proactive, not reactive and proactive. This is where confrontation comes in. Proactive is where you stay vigilant and you don't let anything slide, whether it be from someone or something. And that means that some days when you feel that old complacency setting in that you push yourself to get up and confront the situation because you know, this. That if you don't confront it, it's only gonna make the situation worse and it will not fix itself. All right. For thing. Value these experiences. XE. You're not starting over from scratch. So if you have to start over, you're not starting over from scratch. You're able to leverage the experience when you take ownership. And when you have that self-awareness and this may take some journaling for you to sit here and untangle these things. I cannot stress how important that is, but when you do these things and you really journal these things and write them down and really have some one-on-one time with yourself, you'll be able to take value in these experiences. And you'll be able to leverage this. It's invaluable. This is something you can't get from a textbook. It's not something you can get from a class. It's not something you can get from listening to anybody else. Uh, some of these things, man, you just have to experience him. But experiencing them, them having the self-awareness. And the understanding and the ownership and leveraging that experience. This is what's going to make you a better decision maker, a maker. Uh, moving forward. The fifth thing. Is you gotta be vigilant every single day, man, you gotta be vigilant. And so make every single day. Uh, first day. So you got to stay in front of your first days. And if you ever find yourself at a second and third day, Then you instantly, you confront the situation and you push it back to get in front of the first day again, because the day two. Is, you know, bad day three is the condemnation. And then it just gets worse from there. It does, it gets worse from there. So you always got to get in front of that first day. So like today, like yesterday, Yesterday today's Christmas day yesterday. I hate a lot. A bad. Okay. But I gave myself permission to do so and already had it on my mind. Today was a first day, meaning I got back at the gym. Didn't feel like it felt lethargic. Got back at it today. And get back in front of it, a cart. Arrised it. So, okay. You allowed yourself that luxury? Hadn't had one in months. Okay, good. Enjoy it. Was it, where was it? Probably not, but a card. Arrised it. One day. I'm good. Back to day one. So in any kind of situation, you keep it a first day. And the last point I want to make for you. Is you got to it's the simplicity and the resilience part of it. So you got to keep things simple. This is why I end every episode with keep it simple. You got to keep it simple and you got to take the bins in the road. So you got to stay resilient. Resilience means you get, you get stretched at times you get you get, you get. You know, cranked out sometimes, but you always come back to form. And so when you have those bins in the roads, when you have those unforeseen circumstances, then you're able to quickly, okay, how do I get back to first day? First day, first day, first day. How do I get back to that? And so this is a constant reminder of getting yourself in front of this, this first day. So to sum all this up, man, your journey. Through life it's it's not. It's not just about. Recovering from the setbacks. It's about learning from a man. Because you're not going to be fully prepared for everything that happens, but can, if you can learn these things and you can grow through them. Then as you grow, it's not that you're going to. You get a. A hundred percent on every test that you have. You're going to be some man that you just bought them out. The only way that I've gotten better at my finances is. I had to face repossession. I had to face garnishments. I had to face bankruptcy. Some people don't have to go that hard. I am a little bit more hardheaded. I'm a little bit more so of living on the edge. Living on the edge has served me well in sales, but it did not help me personally. So I've had to learn how to channel. Living on the edge and use it to my advantage when I need to. And so when something unforeseen happens, I can live in the age. But I don't stay there. I just visit it. I use it to my benefit. I keep it as a first day kind of principle. And then I rock out from there. So whatever your situation is, man, there is a cure for everything you just got to keep playing the game. You gotta keep readjusting. But. Stop looking for an instant cure. It's not going to happen. This may be something that will be a long walk for you if you acknowledge that thing. But this is going to be hard. This is going to be dark. This is going to be lonely. This is going to be long. If you acknowledge all of those things. Then you'll be able to work. And earn that cure working on of it. While also having the, the, the split thought. Of. Not putting yourself in this situation again. By focusing on the first day. Not your worst day. All right. Hopefully this helps share this episode with someone else. Remember, keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough piece.