795. "Just this once" isn't a moment. It's a mindset. | Don't cave to the craves :)

All right. 3, 2, 1. Let's do this. Hey welcome. To another episode of the marsh buys podcasts. And today, man, we're going to dive in. To the profound insights of willpower being the new year's coming up. How's your year been, man. Are you kicking the can down the road a little bit. Are you mad? Cause you just didn't quite get where you needed to be or you. You got two weeks into it and you quit. Willpower is a bitch, man. And so we're going to talk today about a little bit of willpower and decision-making. And this is a piggybacked out of the book, the willpower instinct. Uh, by Kelly McGonigal, she, she writes a lot about stress and, and, um, and habit formation and stuff like that. So she's, she's good to check out, man. Especially when you start reading these things, you're like, There's always room for improvement, right? So I'm so happy that you are here with me and sharing this quick episode. We'll get you in, get you out and get you on with your life. Be sure and connect with me on all the socials. I'm active on Twitter and LinkedIn. I'm sorry, Twitter and Instagram. And I do a little bit on LinkedIn and Tik TOK and stuff like that. But you know, some days, dude, I just get kind of spread. Uh, also you can check out this full video on YouTube, be sure and connect with me there. And then I will be posting shorts. I try to do them as often as I can and try to do them every day. But posting some shorts, not only from this episode, but also other episodes as well. That way they're just little primers, man, little, little kicks in the ass or pats on the back. Let you know, man, everything I talk to you about is it comes from my life. I'm not going to tell you something that I don't. Personally struggle with, or that I haven't personally gone through and seen the other side of it. I'm living proof. Those of you who have rocked with me for a long time, man, there was a point not that long ago, the years are long, but the days are, the days are long, but the years are short. And the days, man, when I was going through these situations of bankruptcy and demotion, And I was going through a divorce. I was broke. I was homeless for a time. Um, alcoholic. I was obese. Um, and I was steps away, man, from ending it all. It was just so crushing to me that I just felt like I couldn't go on it so many times, man. I talked to people today who don't know my backstory. And they think that, oh, well, you know, he's in shape. He's got it going on. Gray family, uh, makes good money, blah, blah, blah. But now dude, I mean, I'm. Um, I've been drug across the floor too. I just refuse to saddle. And that's the premise of the March buys podcast, which has been called the sales life. I switched it from the sales life to the March by his podcast. Because so many times people would see the NA the name sales life and think, well, I'm not in sales, so I'm just going to skip it. So I made a decision to switch that over. But I will say this we're all selling our way through life because getting someone to accept your product service or idea. Is what selling is all about. And at the very minimum man, you're the product you're selling a service, whether you're trying to get hired, whether you're trying to get promoted. And we're all selling our way through life. Uh, personally and professionally, no matter where you go, man, you're selling your way through life. And there were three things that we're going to handle in life or deal with in life. That's adversity, uncertainty, and complacency. And so the backbone of this podcast is to help you deal with those three things. Any walks, a life is going through these same three things. So you gotta learn how to handle adversity, embrace uncertainty, and never settle again. And the way that you do that. Is by your five skills that you already have within you? Just probably not using them all the way. And then putting in a six step process, I say six steps. Um, but if you want to do four to five, the biggest thing is, is you have these daily checkpoints man, and this way, this eliminates the negotiation. And that way you don't have to depend on inspiration or willpower, which is what we're going to talk about today. You don't have to depend on that, man, because you you've, you've just, you just got to win the decision, which is how I will end this episode with when one decision at a time. So if you want to know what I'm going to say at the end of the episode, you just got it. So if this, your first time here, thank you for being here. I hope that you will subscribe. And stick around, man. Also, there's nearly what are we own? 7 95. So we're banging on 800. I'm trying like hell fast to get there. I have so much content and great, um, Great thoughts to bring to you. And they're not my thoughts, man. These are, these are just, God has blessed me with the ability to be able to communicate this. And I'm just sharing these thoughts on the way that I live and things that may help you. So if you can use it, man, go back to some of these episodes. I went back the other day, man started listening to episode 300. Um, and I may start bringing some of these back because this stuff man, I've even forgotten about. So the reason why I record these podcasts are for a couple of reasons. Number one, if you're going through something, I share it because you may be going through something and this may help. Number two it's for me, because there are things I get away from. Like I say, I listen to episode 300. I get away from these things and I go back and listen to them like, ah, all right, pick up the sack again. Let's go. And then number three is I leave them there. Archive they're here forever. As long as we're actually here. Uh, so they're here forever. So that way my children can reference back to it because there are things there are conversations we've had not had. And there are things that maybe we had, but totally went over their head. And that's cool too. Uh, sometimes they're just not in the right season to listen or anything like that. So I bring that and archive that. So that way they have something to reference to, and hopefully you can use it. As well. So let's, that's enough about the March by his podcast and what I'm all about, man. But if you want to know more about me, connect to me on my stories and stuff like that. Um, I'd love to hear from you also, you can go to marsh, BICE dot. Dot com. That's the mothership where all of the content is, but also in the bottom right hand side is a mic. Uh, and it's actually a microphone that you can click. And you can just leave me a word, man. If it's, if it's something you want to express, if it's question that you have, may I reach out? I'd love to, um, I'd love to be able to, uh, to help you out. I'm no hair, but I'm all ears, man. I'm listening to you and I definitely want to, uh, to help you. Thank you to those who have been here for so long. Uh, we are the top 3% podcasts in the world. And I'm going to speak this into existence. We're on our way to be in the top 100 podcasts in the world. And it's not, dude, it's not the ranking that so much matters. I like the ranking. It's, it's a, it's a, um, it's a blip. It's a data point. Uh, to let you know who you're resonating with. Um, but we're on our way to the top 100 podcasts in the world. Um, and also we're going to keep slicing that thing in half man to. To hell. We're going to be the top podcasts in the world one day. Um, but I love, love, love bringing this content. And if I could sit here for three hours every single day and record content, I certainly would because I have so much to share and one day God will open up that opportunity to be able to do it. Uh, longer one of my, uh, visions too, is to have more on Sirius satellite radio channel. Uh, it's a 10 year, a hundred million dollar contract. Uh, fully guaranteed from Sirius satellite radio and I have all production rights and I can walk away from it. Um, At any time and it's from, um, it's from 10 to one every single day. Um, and I have the biggest and brightest people that come on. Some of them are solo podcasts. Some of them were solo shows, whatever, but that's, that's the hatch man. That's where I'm heading toward. That's what I'm speaking. When it happens. I've got a five-year plan on that. But Hey, if it's shorter or longer, I'll make the adjustments in Rocco. And along the way, so enough about that, like I said, second time, I'm saying that, but I've burned up eight minutes and 35 seconds of your time talking about that. But, um, sometimes people just don't know enough about me or where I'm coming from. Uh, where I've been. So I try to share those. Uh, along the way as well. So let's rock out out of McGonigal's book and she writes in the book. Uh, our brain operates as a reward system. God does it ever, and it will betray you in a minute. So how many times. Have you told yourself. After you've been, uh, you know, you you've been super good all day long and you restricting your diet. That you come home and you say, you know what? I can, I can have a treat now. How many times, dude, I've said that so many times. I'm a double up on Monday. So you just burn it up on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. But as McGonigal relates to. His mindset, man is going to set you up for failure. Um, so to truly shift, man, you've got to, you've got to shift these patterns. And transform. And disrupt these old ways of thinking. You have to, because if you keep reverting back, And you keep changing the game, then your mind is so confused that it keeps going back to what it's all really always done. It's like, dude, this is all I know. So initially you're going to have some chaos, some mental chaos, because you were totally disrupting. You know, your, your, your way of thinking your way of doing things, but you've got to get out of this autopilot stage, man. This autopilot is what you're, you're rocking on. So. Autopilot means that you're doing things without even thinking. And so now you have to flip things, the things that you, the things that you don't do, the things that you do without thinking. Are the things that have led you into the ditch. Okay. Your money's funny, you, you, your weight, your waistline is going up. You know, it seems like it's all the sudden our shit's just going wrong in your relationships. It didn't happen overnight, man. But what happened is is you, you, you got into these. Autopilot stage. And so you do, I call them tendencies. I say, habits are, are good. Um, are good in tendencies or bad tendencies, or when you go into autopilot and you just tend to do things, you grab that beer, the minute you come home, you always say Monday is going to be the new day, whatever. And so now what you've got to do is you've got to flip this whole thing around. And get out of this thing. And so that way you can change your whole thinking mechanism from there. So you got to ask yourself, man, every decision when you're walking into a decision, you got to ask, does this decision strengthen. Or does it weaken me? Does it strengthen or does it weaken my progress toward my goal? Because see you think in the moment, it's just a one degree shift. But. What happens is, is you make the decision. That's that one degree shift in your thought, then it goes to an action. That's another one degree decision. And so it seems like it's it's so, dude, this is what's so elusive. It's so insignificant in the moment. One time doesn't seem like it's nothing because you go back, you look at the scale, you look in the mirror, you look at your bank balance and you're like, I'm good. And you think that you got away with it, but what happens is everything is an accumulation eventually. And ultimately that's what I've been banging on. See, eventually you're going to get off track and ultimately you're going to end up in the ditch. And so these deviations man, these small thin slices of deviations, these tiny concessions. In the moment, don't seem like much over time. They're going to crush you. And so you'll come to these decisions and you'll say just this once, but one thing that you got to understand. Just this once is in a moment. It's a mindset. And that's, what's leading you astray. You got to realize the voice of comfort. As far shorter than the voice of condemnation. It is. The voice of comfort. So you had this golden hour and I call it a golden hour. It could be a golden 15, 20, 30 minutes. It could be an hour. So you had this golden hour. That. You had segmented aside, you had budgeted aside. To do something, whether it be working out, whether it be planning your meals, whether it be. Writing your goals, whether it be making a block of phone calls. Whatever. And so this golden hour, so comfort, the alarm goes off. Voice of comfort. So the, the, the thing happens. The golden hour time clock starts. And this is where comfort. We'll bullshit. You. And we'll sit there and say, Just double up. Oh, you've done so good. You're good. You know, let's, let's, you know, you've earned it, all these kinds of different things, man. So you, you, you, you feel these comfort things and then you cave to them or you make this. Beautiful plan that you're going to double up triple up on my day off tomorrow, whatever. But what happens is it's the exchange rate. Isn't worth it. Because once you pass that segmented time that you had. Then the voice of condemnation kicks in. And just calls you a POS piece of shit. It calls you a POS. And beat you up so bad throughout the day. Once you pass that golden decision. That you like, bro? Why did I do that? And what happens is, man, it weighs so heavily on you. That you ended up quitting. And he may quit for the day. You may quit for the week. But quitting becomes a mindset. And once you do it once, man, it just becomes so much easier. So the exchange rate, the voice of comfort. When you hear that you got to take action right then and there. Act opposite of what your comfort zone is telling you, man, you've got to, you know, we always say is so cliche, but you know, you gotta be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That is so true though. And so when you feel that comfort sitting in understand, it's going to quickly blur into condemnation. It's going to call you out. It's going to sell you out and you're going to be like, bro, why did I even do that? And what happens, man? It weighs on you all day long. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. So changing your lifestyle. Is a decisive action. And decisions. That are going to resonate. Across your life. See you got to learn to make decisions. And when you can decide to take. Full control over your life. You're not you, you don't have control over everything, but you do have control over some things. And that's the, your decisions you got to learn to make decisions. When you take, when I made decision to get my life back in order to get myself back in shape, I'm in the best shape I've ever been. And I'm age 50, I'm talking high school better. Okay. I've got abs man. I'm in great shape. I've got energy. I'm rolling. But see, I wasn't like that about a year ago. I had titties. I had a belly. But I wore black shirts. So it looked like, and I was running five miles a day. So that was my narrative. It was all bullshit inside because I was eating bad. And I was caving to the crave. I do it too. As I started making these small exception saying, oh, I can go run tomorrow. I'll be all right. That's a bullshit narrative, man. So that's what happens. You got to learn to make decisions. When I made a decision to change things in my life, I had to draw the line in the sand and not cross that. And if you make a decision in a stand in your life, this will bleed on to other areas of your life as well. I'm telling you, man, it will. And so these are what I call borrowed experiences, borrowed wins. So you make this decision, you transform your life and now you see what you're capable of doing. And bro, this is when you become unstoppable because you take these experiences that you borrowed these results and you take them into other areas of your life. And you'll I bro. Bring the next one on. And the only way, man, you're going to be able to do that. You got to sever your ties. From your old ways of thinking and doing yes, it's going to be hard the first day. It's going to be killer hard. It's going to be hard for about two weeks, but if you keep and you don't back up, if you will make these decisions and just hold, even if it's a poorly designed plan, at least you're working a fucking plan versus all these plans that people have posted and nobody's working the damn plan. But whatever works for you, three or four things hit those processes. Don't worry about the results right now. You just do those. You stack the bricks, man. You do that every single day. And you're going to learn to fortify these decisions. That you can take. Into other areas of your life. That's the deceiving thing is not just your health is not just your wealth. It's so many there's six parts of wealth. Okay. Mentally physically, financially, emotionally. Uh, spiritually relationally. The six parts of wealth that you got to concentrate on. And you won't do it, man. If you keep deviating, if you keep making these exceptions, see what you accept. You make these, you accept it. And then you start making these exceptions. So what you accept. You except, so you make these small deviations, the small things, and you keep having to wake up in a deficit and overcome. So you're starting in the negative every single day. So you got to be vigilant about this, man. You can hear the energy in my voice because that's how important it is, man. You gotta be super vigilant. Don't make these exceptions. Because when you make these exceptions, this is when you open up negotiations with yourself. And let me tell you something, man, when you get into negotiations with your mind, you're going to lose every single time. When you're trying to change no negotiation. Non-negotiables not even thinking about it. Not up for discussion, not happening. It's a slight edge advantage. I'm rereading that book. Wonderful book. It's the book that saved my life. It's also the things I got away from and it's the slight edge principles, man. Just a few things done every single time. That keeps you in alignment. You're good. Cause you gotta think of it, man. When you make these exceptions, I know I'm beating this into the ground, but you have been making exceptions. I have made exceptions. Don't fall for it. It's like skipping class, man. When you get to college, I remember when I first got to college, I'm like, oh shit, I can skip. I don't have to go. Nobody's going to say anything. Professors don't say nothing. They don't care, but they'll remember. It's like, and that's what happens in your life. It's like skipping class. You, you skip a class. And you're like, oh, Okay. I got away with it. That's what happens in your life, man? And once you do it once. It becomes so much easier, man. So don't do it. Don't do it changes a continuous process. It's not a one-time event, dude. Let me tell you something. You're never going to arrive. You're always going to be becoming, and you got to realize that never arrive you better not ever get there. You better than I ever see me. And then bro hug me and be like, bro, I made it. No, you didn't. You're making it. You got to a, to a spot. You see what you're capable of, but look around there's more. And it's being grateful. But also it seizing the opportunities. Of where you are. Uh, of, of, of what's available. And so as you start. Continuously molding these processes, man. You're always. Adjusting the pattern, these new patterns. So that way you don't get into dull down into these, these things, you stay with your process, but see my processes. They are the same processes yet inside of those, they've got some flexibility. You can't have a process and be so rigid that it's got no flexibility. It's got to have flexibility because life's going to kick you in the nuts. Things are going to happen during the day. Tuesday is going to pop off and it ain't going to be good. These you character building days, what are you going to do during these days? And this is where man, this is what forges those commitments. A hundred percent is better than 98%. Meaning that see, we make these 98%, you know, acceptance. Okay. Well, 98% of the time, I'm good. But the 2%. Added up accumulated over time. It's what's racking you, man. And it's not that you're going to get it a hundred percent, right. All the time. Okay. It's that you're a hundred percent committed to trying to get it right. A hundred percent of the time. Okay. And you got to know yourself, man. If you know that you drink too much, don't drink. If you know that you eat too much at certain times of the day and it's comfort. Are you, are you smashed these snacks? Dude? I love rice cakes, chocolate rice cakes. Let me tell you something. I got to a point where I was eating like four or five a day. I'm sorry, four or five at a sitting, but it wasn't just the rice cake. It was a yogurt on top of that. Sprinkle with some, um, some, uh, some protein powder. To give a little flavor with some fat-free whipped cream. Well, you know, one of those is, is okay. Five at a time. Not okay. You know what I had to do? I didn't know myself. No more tackler rice cakes. Because I was just pounding them away, man. Trying to change that narrative, that narrative was trying to creak in like, Hey, it's just rice case. They just, whatever they were there, just 50 calories. Not after five of them. They're not. So it was these kinds of things, man, dude, I'm susceptible to it too. But it's having that awareness where you don't just drift off. And you're like, oh, Oh, man, what happened all the time? It didn't happen. It's accumulation, man. That one degree shift, the baseline moves every time. So this is what it's all about. Man. Just puts you in a little process. I always talk about process because it's so important. And you need it, man. Commitment is key, man. I don't be interested anymore in your life. Be committed to it. So to wrap this thing up, man. It's all about, like I said, at the beginning, it's winning one decision at a time. Keep this shit. Life is super simple. This is what this podcast is about. It's mental toughness. Simplified life is not easy, but you can simplify your, make it way too fucking complex because you're waking up in a deficit. You're waking up. Cave into craves. When all you got to do is make a decision build off that decision puts you four or five processes in wake up at a set time. Right? Workout read. Share share your inner bad-ass is you're great at something. And then designed design what you're going to wear that day. Uh, design what you're going to eat. As soon as I get off this mic, I'm going to, my meal is already made. I just got to box it all up. I know exactly what I'm going to eat today. And then design where your life is going. I just told you where my life is going. Sirius satellite radio channel, my own channel. And I'll put your podcasts on there too. If you're rocking it out, man, if you're bringing a fucking brilliant ass message, let's go. I'll put you on their top 100 podcasts in the world. Let's go. Okay. That's where I'm going. And where are you going? Well, hopefully when you get off here, You going to put some shit in order, man. Let's get after it. And let me tell you something do not put it all for January one. January one is today. Every day is January one. Stop all that bullshit of Monday. First of the month, first of the year into the quarter. Bullshit. It's all bullshit. If you ha, if you're alive right now and you have an opportunity, fucking jump on that opportunity. Alright, this is a work in podcast. So let me give you a few self reflective questions. Ask yourself, cause I don't want you to, oh, this is, this was nice. And I wasn't even going to do a podcast this week. I wasn't. I wasn't, I've been struggling, man. So frustrated trying to get episodes out that sometimes I get so frustrated, I just got to back away from it. But this morning, I was like, right before I go to work. I'm a bang this episode out. So this is own the moment. Sometimes, what I'll do is I'll record it. Days ahead of time, months ahead of time. Not today. Today is fresh out the box. Let's roll with it. All right. So what values and beliefs. Have been guiding your decisions lately, man. And how do they align with the person that you want to be? See, it's all about alignment. So are the decisions that you're making. Are they bringing you in alignment with your future? You cannot make decisions every single day. Eh, that are, that are way off course and expect to be, uh, a good billionaire. You know, down the road, you can't, they have to align, even if they're small alignments, you have to begin aligning these things. So that way you're on the course for that. The timeframe may be a little bit different than what you expected. But at least you're aligned with those things. Number two. In what ways have you grown over the past year and where are room for improvement? Where is the room? Here's the thing. Look for the wins. But also for the losses. So when you're winning. Look for the ISA be dyslexic. When you're winning, look for the losses, these are the leaks, the areas that you need to improve when you're losing, look for the wins. So you may be in a barrel right now. Okay. But there's some good things that you're winning at. What are those things? Sometimes, man, it's just me saying that. We'll fuck bro. You've hit all the processes. At least you hit your six checkpoints today. You lost your cool, you lost your temper. You, you got sassy with the wife. But you hit all your processes. All right. Go. Go go apologize. She Vierra calls the old man day go apologize get that taken care of but at least you held the processes so good job but don't pat yourself on the back man and don't kick yourself too far in the ass but you do sometimes need this And this All right. Pad the back slab in that ass alright number three When faced with challenges what patterns do i notice my reactions in my reaction so what's your patterns man what's your go-to what's your tendencies okay so my name makes you mad Do you reach for the bottle Do you roll up to jarrett Do you roll up the joint? What what do you do Okay is it aligning with your future Or has it taken you away does it strengthen you or does it weaken you these are small things man don't get you know, super radical all at once Put you in a few things i just told you what my six were put you in just two or three things something you can rail off stick to those things and then you can always make the adjustment All right. you gotta be average to be great Okay so you gotta be consistent In order and that consistency over time will raise the intensity and the intensity It's want to get is what's going to get you to the goal as well so thanks so much for being a part of the March bays podcast I hope that you will come back if this is your first time here And if you've been here a time or 10 man Keyed coming back keep supporting keep sharing this episode with someone else let me know what you want to hear from me you won't guest on do you want authors on what is it sometimes people are just tired of hearing my solo voice and i can bring you something different as well so with that remember keep it simple keep it moving never settle stay tough piece