788. Harnessing Curiosity: You're ONE Question Away From Changing Your Life.

All right, let's get it. Welcome back to another episode of the marsh vice podcast. I am so happy that you hear a quick announcement to, um, that there's a new, uh, podcast. I have a, uh, another podcast called 1st thoughts and 1st thoughts. I invite you to go over there and check it out. Um, first thoughts are just that it's my mental toughness journal. Creativity is an important aspect of what I do, writing every single day and expressing what I write every single day. And I have so much to write about. That it takes time to, I can't fully commit to a daily podcast on the Marsh Bice podcast. I try to keep up a cadence. Those of you who have rocked with me for a long time, um, you know, I've had a daily podcast, I've had three days a week. I've had it for a week straight and then I fall back to a week again. So my first thoughts are really the rough edits. It's sometimes I record them. Uh, in my truck, sometimes I'm recording them here in my office. Um, but they are the first thoughts. And then I come back behind with the refined version on the Marsh Bice podcast. So saying all that to say, if you have not checked out first thoughts with Marsh Bice, just. Put my name in the, uh, in the podcast search, you'll find it. And then that way you get, I call it damn near daily thoughts because I try to do it Monday through Friday. There are times just time constraint. Like yesterday, yesterday I wrote, I didn't get a chance to record it. I just. Didn't have the time. Um, and I used to kick the can down the road and get all pissed off, but don't worry about that anymore. I'll get around to it. Whenever I get around to it, I'll probably, and because I'm recording today for the Marsh Spice podcast, uh, I won't be able to get first thoughts out today. Again, I'm not going to kick the can down the road. Um, it's just part of it, man. And sometimes that's what you got to do, man. You got to wrestle with these things and, um, and really, and really get into it and, and, and struggle with it a little bit, and then. That's, that's what you got to do from there. So let's rock out with today's episode. Episode 787. I think we're on maybe 788. Not sure. Uh, don't, uh, don't pin me to the wall. If I, if I have the number, cause I'm, I'm not really numbers driven on that. I just, the reason why I put a number in front of the podcast is because I know which one to go to, if I ever need to quote it. Which I'm not doing a very good job as far as quoting it. Cause I don't even know what number I'm on anyway. So scratch what I just said. And, uh, let's rock out with today's episode. So today, man, what we're going to do is, is we're going to, there's five core skills toward building mental toughness daily, and that's the MTDs mental toughness daily. So many times when you hear the word mentally tough, you get a little blowback. You get a little pushback. Number one, you probably compare yourself to someone else. And like a David Goggins and you say, Oh, I'm not mentally tough like him. I'm not a green beret and a Navy SEAL and break my ankles and our legs and still go through Navy SEAL training three times. They're like, that's not me. Mental toughness is not about that. It's it's here's the way I look at it. It's about the endurance and it's the quality of the endurance. It's not just hanging in there. I hate it when I, Hey man, how you doing? I'm hanging in there. What does that even mean? Like, are you hanging in there? Are you hanging in there? Like, you know, cause I'm not hanging anywhere, man. I'm I'm, I'm walking with a purpose. I had a guy the other day and he's like, man, you got a cool ass walk. I'm like, what do you mean? Uh, cause one of my groins like really hurts from running for so many years. That's what I'm thinking. He's like, no, man, you gotta, you walk with a purpose. And I do, I do. I walk with a purpose. Like, I know where I'm going. I don't just float around, like, hanging in there for the day. Like, I've got set points I gotta get to. And that's the five skills, six checkpoints that I gotta get through every day. And the five skills are communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning and action, and productive confrontation. They all start with the letter C. Ironically. But they all start with the letter C, but these are the fabric. These are the core skills that you need in order to build mental toughness. Mental toughness is not having to go through a bunch of bullshit. And then on the backside of it, you're mentally tough. Mental toughness daily is an equipping of the mind of the body. Six daily checkpoints, five core skills, communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning and action, productive confrontation. You interweave these things throughout, and this is what makes you RFA, ready for anything. And do I know everything? No. Am I ready for anything? Yes. I don't have the, the, the, the, the answers to everything, but. Through mental toughness daily that I practice and now I coach on is about equipping yourself. So that way I can embrace uncertainty. I can handle the adversity and I keep the momentum going. I don't let complacency sit in and it's so simple that I just got to click these check these six boxes every single day. And what's beautiful about this is. I have the ability. It's got some flexibility in there. So it's not so rigid where I got to push somebody out of the damn way because I got to get to my next checkpoint. It's not about that, but I know where the fuck I'm going to. And that's the thing, man. So if you're in my way and I'm, and I've got somewhere to go and you're trying to slow me down or pull me down, bro, I ain't got time for you on that. So. Cause that's not even what I was going to talk about today, but there are six core skills today. Uh, well, uh, backing up a little bit on episode 785, 786, uh, two episodes, we talked about communication and communication, uh, above and beyond productive confrontation, I do believe productive confrontation is so key in your life. We'll get to that one. Um, but communication, you cannot be a success if you don't learn how to communicate itself. You've got to learn how to communicate. And so communication is key. So we talked about that. Go back and listen to it. This is what I coach my clients with. This is what I coach the mental toughness daily and bro, I'm giving it to you for free. I'm just laying it out there because whether you do business with me or want me to coach you, or you just want to do it on your own shit, just play the tape back, go back and forth and, and, uh, And there you have it. You got it. But if you really want to drill it down, really want to have some accountability, I believe everybody needs a coach. Um, then, then definitely, definitely, uh, seek to do that. So let's talk about curiosity, man. Curiosity is pivotal for nurturing mental toughness because it carves avenues. Love that word. It carves avenues for learning resilience, It's what curiosity does, man. It just, it keeps these pathways open so that I can learn so that I can be resilience. Resilience is being able to stretch yet come back into form, stretch yet come back into form. And the form you come back to is not like old bullshit ass t shirt where you pull on it and then it never bounces back. Being a resilience is more like that dry fit where it pulls. Okay, but then it comes back and just makes your chest look all good and you got the abs and everything like that That's what resilience is man. It comes back It's that dry fit and it comes back and it molds to the shape of the strength itself So that's what's resilience and then growth man. You gotta grow. You gotta grow. You gotta grow the green When you're green you grow when you're not you're right And I never want to be crispy and Brown or anything like that. I was talking to a guy yesterday and he was like, what's your biggest fear? I said, my biggest fear is I never want to be a used to be a once was. And so I don't want to be one of those guys. Who's been 25 years in sales, 30 years in sales, five years in podcasting and was, you know, a used to be, well, Hey, that, that guy over there. Marsh. Yeah, that's Marsh. You know what he used to do? Cause I had those situations. I've been demoted. Those of you who have rocked out with me for years. Have known have walked with me and known that I've been at the bottom rung. I was demoted. I was demoted back to the bottom rung of the store I work at now. I didn't as bad as I wanted to run away. I didn't run away. I stayed with it. I came back and now I'm better than ever. Stronger than ever more, uh, successful than ever and freer than ever. Uh, so it's such a, such a blessing on that. So, you know, that that's the thing, man, you just, you, you're going to have these situations, but you've still got to grow through these situations. So in order to bolster your mental toughness, you. You're going to have to channel your, your inner curiosity. And this means that you're going to have to push boundaries. This means that you're going to have to step outside your comfort zone. This means. That you're going to have to embrace the unfamiliar, embrace uncertainty, handle the adversity, keep the momentum flowing, and don't let complacency set in the way that you do that five core skills, six daily checkpoints maintaining. And one of those is being curious, which is what we're going to unpack today. How do you get curious? How do you stay curious? So I've got three ways. This is all I can get to for today. And then we'll, uh, we'll finish the rest on the next episode, but three ways. That way you can harness the curiosity and build greater mental, uh, resilience as well. So the first way to harness your curiosity is you got to embrace questions. Think about how many statements you make versus how many questions do you ask in a day. And dude, when I started doing this, I was completely shocked. On how many statements, how many assumptions I make instead of just leading with a question and I, you know, these assumptions, I just, I think I already have it figured out. I've been doing this a long time. I'm 50 years old. All this kind of bullshit. Well, what I'm doing is, is I'm narrowing those pathways. I'm not staying open. I'm not being curious. And I get real crispy. I get crispy. And I stopped thinking as much. So you got to challenge yourself to ask more questions, bring an awareness to this. So when, when, when someone asks you a question, or you're about to make a statement, catch yourself. And instead of making a statement, turn it into a question. This is going to eliminate you from, or get you away from drawing these pre conclusions man, or it's also going to open you up so that way you can You can understand more and you're, you're on a scavenger hunt, man. You're seeking clarity on that. So asking questions, dude, this is what keeps things spicy. This is what keeps things novel. And so it keeps things fresh and it prevents you from taking things at face value. I'm telling you just this right here. If you challenge yourself this week to embrace questions, you are going to be shocked. Number one, how many statements you make? Number two, how many assumptions you make? And number three, how much you take at face value and you don't challenge it. You have to remember, man, questions opens doors to new knowledge. And unforeseen opportunities. So when you're asking questions and I'm saying, asking, like really asking questions, like suspending your judgment, not that I gotcha kind of questions, setting them up, you know, you're not a defense attorney here. Okay. We're not trying to catch anybody. I'm actually trying to seek, uh, some better understanding. I'll talk about open mindedness here in just a minute, but this is what's going to open up and keep you open for new knowledge. And then also bro, when you start asking these questions, this is what's going to lead to opportunities as well, unforeseen opportunities. And so you're going to ask these questions and actually deepen a connection with who you're talking to. And because you have a genuine interest. It begins to build a trust and then the person or persons you're talking to all of a sudden think of something, have an aha moment and say, you know what you'd be perfect for. And it was like, boom, but if you would have led with a statement, if you would have came in there with guns blazing with the eye gotchas are just closed ended because you've been doing this 17 years. You wouldn't have had that opportunity as well. Sometimes, man, one question can change the whole trajectory of your life. And at the minimum, it'll change the situation, which could change your whole life. So one technique that I've found useful that I got from Chris Voss, uh, he's the, um, well known FBI negotiator wrote, never split the difference. He, I would tell you, you need to read that book, but actually you need to read it probably once a year. Um, me and one of my coaching clients, we were talking the other day. I'm like, bro, it's it's that time I got to read it again. Um, but a lot of times, man, when you're talking to people, you don't really know what to say. You don't know what to ask, not say, let me scratch that. I just caught myself on that. It's not what to say. It's what to ask. What is, what is curious about this? So if you feel like. I'm talking to the fucking scientist here. I don't even know what questions to ask. I don't even know what's a stupid question, you know, so at the minimum, one technique that will really help you if you're kind of scratching. And you don't really know what question to ask is take the last few words of what they say and repeat it back to them in the form of a question. So I'm in sales. So let me just use sales as an analogy. When a customer says. Yeah, we're going to hold off instead of saying, well, man, I'm telling you the sale of the baby. Instead of doing all that, that's making an assumption that's saying, Oh, I've been doing this for 25 years. I know what's best for you. Oh, I'm just trying to make a sale. That's what, that's what that bullshit is. But instead of me in that way, and then I make an assumption instead. I have a situation like this and this really helps for new salespeople too is when they say, you know what, we're going to hold off, you're going to hold off and be quiet. This puts the onus, the emphasis back on the customer and he keeps it conversational, not confrontational and allows them space to open up. But you have to, SDFU, you have to shut the fuck up and ask the question and be quiet. And let, let the, sometimes this is that, that space is that tension that you need. So you put that tension out there. And it's not bad tension. It's just allows them the space to be able to open up and really give it some thought. And you're going to find many times, and I'm just, again, I'm using sales, but many times in all kinds of situations, honey boo boo says, I'm not happy with our relationship. Not happy with our relationship. And you probably know anyway, but let's just hypothetically say this is new to me. Uh, so you put it back on them and you say not happy with the relationship and not guns blazing, not looking at them. Like you want to just grab a butter knife on them. Not anything like that, man, but it's just putting it back on them. So that way they can open up and your fall string, which we'll talk about in a minute. Open mindedness. And so this number one, asking the last few words, opening that up, creating the space, be quiet, be open minded, like curiosity, take its course. It's going to take you on a great, great trip. So that's number one, embrace questions. Another way to harness your curiosity. Continuous learning is one of the five core skills. Communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning, and productive confrontation. Continuous learning is one of the five skills, but it also weaves into the curiosity. Because if you're not a continuous learner, you become crispy. You, you, you think that you know it all. I wanna be a know at all. Not a know-it-all. I don't know at all. There's a book down here, the Netflix, uh, founder. I can't find it. Well, I can see it, but I can't see it. I can see the book, but I don't have my glasses on. So, but basically the premise of the book, um, is nobody knows anything. And so when he was coming out with this radical Netflix, And they started off, I think, with the, uh, kind of like bread box did with the, with the mail order CDs. And everybody was like, that's a bullshit idea. And he was going against blockbuster, but he's like proof positive, man. Nobody knows anything. So continuous learning is being a no at all. It's just keeping the pathways open. Curiosity will keep you there. But what it is, is it being a continuous learner actually strengthens that curiosity because you're cracking open books and other sorts of mediums with a genuine like, Ooh, I didn't even know, dude, I worked with a firefighter yesterday. He lives out in California and you know, you hear the, the, uh, these, these screenshot. You know, this helicopter over these flames. I'm like, my God. And he was like, yeah, that was one of the fires I was working. And I was like, from the aerial shots that the news sends you, you, you don't see how powerful that is, but that helicopter was like a hundred feet from the flame, so it was like in the, in the mix and I don't know, probably 15, 20 minutes. He didn't buy anything from me after about 15, 20 minutes, man, he, he gave me an education on how convection occurs in these fires and they take a, a, a weather system of their own and how they form ice crystals and how they can get out of hand quick and, and how, you know, they, they, they go into these, these black zones, which are places that are already burned. So that way for safety, they can go where in these black zones where they're safe and it won't burn cause there's no fuel. And so they're not trying to put the fire out. They're trying to work ahead of the fire, um, to, um, to burn it out or to choke it out, to not give it any fuel. So they burn ahead. So that way the fire doesn't get there that way. The fire doesn't, uh, doesn't get there. Uh, so that's what continuous learning is. Continuous learning is a gentle reminder that there's. Always more to know. And sometimes, sometimes dude, I get overwhelmed. Sometimes it's just a sheer volume of, I got so much to learn and that can get overwhelming. But what I have to remind myself, number one, I'm not going to learn it all. I'm never going to get to the end of the map. It's not going to happen. So what I have to do is I just have to cultivate. Genuine curiosity and be curious today on just learning something and then applying it to my life. If I do that every single day, dude, I'm in a perpetual learning mode. And what I'm able to do is I'm able to bring stuff in. One reason why I write is to flush some of the stuff out, contextualize it. Work it over in my mind, put it into practice or repeat what I've done in practice and then apply it forward from there. So, um, a few caveats, man, that I want to tell you about continuous learning. Number one, don't wait for formal training. No one is coming to show you anything. Stop waiting. I hate it when I talk to people and they say, oh man, I mean, you know, nobody showed me how to do this. I mean, no wonder I'm not doing good. Who the fuck, like, dude, when I started in sales, they gave me a big, I don't know, six inch binder showed me a conference room and said, good luck. And I had to learn it on my own. No one is going to look out for you. So don't wait. for formal training. Start asking questions. This is why asking questions is good. Don't wait for someone. Take the load off of someone else. Even if you're not getting paid to do it, take the law. If you're in the vicinity, man, learn that you're going to lighten their load. They're going to want to teach you because you're lightening their load and you're going to learn more as well. That makes you lethal. One reason why I was not fired from when instead demoted. Was because I had so much knowledge built up in the store. I can work every part of the front of the store so I can work every aspect of sales. So they said, yeah, we could fire him, but we'll just take them down to the bottom rung because if he needs to fill in the gap somewhere, he can thank God. But I didn't know that was going to happen. I've just learned along the way as well. All right. So that's number one. Don't wait for formal training. Number two, don't only work to the basic certification. Low. I gotta be this to be certified. No, go above and beyond do the unseen hours, do the things that people aren't even asking you to do. And so don't just get to certification, get to mastery and mastery is something that's something you strive for. You never get there. And then number three, just because you don't like to learn, I'm sorry, just because you don't like to read gives you no excuse for not wanting to learn. Okay. That is no excuse. So if you don't like to read, it doesn't have to just come from books. You can get it from experience, learn, analyze, adjust, do it again. You can learn from videos, but then apply it. You can learn it through audio and sometimes man, it's just, you can learn from just asking questions. Just ask questions. Stop hanging out with people that are lower than you. Hang out with pushers. Hang out with people who kind of intimidate your ass. Go hang out with them. Go talk to them. You'll learn so much. And they'll, they actually are very nice people. Very nice people. And they will, they will genuinely help you as well. All right. So that's number two, continuous learning. Number three, cultivate. Open mindedness. Cultivating open mindedness means that you don't just question yourself and you should be, I, let's just stop right there. Sometimes you are so closed minded about your own damn self. Be open minded, number one, with yourself. It all starts with you. Be open minded. Keep it real. Know your shortcomings. Know thyself. Okay. One reason why I don't drink is because I know myself, I am not a teetotaler. I'm not a guy who could drink one beer and call it a day or nurse on a beer for an hour. That ain't me. My dad can do that. I can't do that. So if I crack one beer, it's six more right behind it. Cause I can knock that beer down in about, I don't know, two minutes. And so I'm the guy that you have to order two at a time. So that's one reason because I know myself and it takes me down a pathway that is not good. I know myself on that. And so I don't, I don't, I don't even go in that. So that's, I was about to say, where am I going with this? But that's cultivating open mindedness itself. So it's number one, it's being curious about yourself, knowing what makes you tick, knowing what hooks you, knowing how you talk to yourself. We talked about that. 785, 786, go back. It's all about communication, self talk, but keeping that open mindedness is not only questioning yourself, but it's also questioning and inquiring about others. And learning from them. So this is part of that effective communication, man. Don't get, if you find yourself getting defensive, when someone is talking to you and they share a different view than you, God bless them. Why does everybody have to think like you? Why does everybody have to do like you? You're not the fucking expert. You know, so, you know, let people have their own opinions. If they're interested in your opinion, they'll ask, but don't try to one up people and don't try to get defensive. How many relationships have been torched simply because he likes Trump and you don't, or he likes Biden and you don't, or you think Obama was a great president and you think he's, you know, the, the worst president ever came around. And he shouldn't have been president because he's got a, a foreign birth certificate. I mean, whatever. Why do you get so defensive with that? You are welcome to have your opinion. I have mine, but also part of being open minded is embracing, seek to understand, can you make an argument for them in their view? Oh, I can see your point of view on that. Oh, I see that. Don't don't do all that. Stay open minded. Keep the ball balancing, man. Get a genuine understanding why they think that way. Okay. I've talked to many racist people. I'm not here to change them. I have black children. All right. I have a black wife. All right. So I've had people come up to me and use the N word and racist as can be. I don't say anything and then they look and then they see the pictures and they're like, who's that? I'm like, that's my family and like I made him feel shitty enough I don't have to say nothing but my example that I don't get all in this in their throat and in their face I just want to be the example. I want to stay open minded and, and as the situation arises, I used to room with a guy like that back in college. And as we developed a relationship, I got a better understanding. He was just scared. Like he grew up, he didn't grow up around other races. So he had these preconceived notions and a lot of it was fear, but the more we roomed. We got a better understanding and he got away from all that. He just had a genuine love for everybody. Okay. But it takes time, but stay open minded on all that as well. All right. That's enough. That's all we're going to cover today. Uh, but before we rock out of here, man, let me leave you with a few actionable takeaways, because this is a working podcast. This ain't a feel good. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. No, it's not about that at all. It's a working podcast. So I've got three challenge questions for you. Uh, our actionable takeaways. Number one, the question journal. What I want you to do is start our offer to you to think about, uh, start a question journal where every day you jot down one question, the challenge you're thinking. I like to call them wilts, W I L T what I learned today. Um, and the wilts, I record them sometimes in my voice memo app, and then I write about them later. That way you capture it and you don't forget about it. Or if you're in a space where you can just write it down in the mornings. Write it on a post it note and then just give yourself 10 or 15 minutes in the morning to kind of ask that question and work with it or write something down, work with it a little bit, go to go throughout your day and you'd be amazed how life begins to reveal that the answer to the question. So start a question journal, man, and at the end of the week, recap it, look at the moments that you've had. And. Reflect on those things. Give it some contemplation. What did you learn? What did you, what, what was totally blindsided you? What was some takeaways, whatever. So start a question journal. Number two, learn one, one new thing every single day, man, that's laying the brick, learn one new thing and commit it not only to memory, but also take it to action as well. And so this is how you move the needle. You move the needle. I love that metaphor. Move the needle. Thank you. Even if the pace is slow, you don't quit the race. You just did a learn something today. It's incremental growth. You're not going to go from one to 100. You don't want to, cause you got to build the capacity, the strength, the resilience, the framework, the growth, the thinking, the speaking, the connections. You got to build all that anyway. So it takes time to build that infrastructure, but keep it simple. Just learn one thing. One new thing today. And then also the feedback loop once a week, once you ask a buddy or family, family member who ain't got it out for you, who's not jelly of you or a colleague for some feedback in a certain area of your life or your work. And this could be on how you communicate. And how you, how you communicate with others, a project that you're working on, even your demeanor, like, yeah, man, yesterday this happened and you kind of went, you know, bullshit mode on us, like shutdown mode. Don't, don't do that. I don't like, don't get defensive. I got to stay open minded. Remember, oh, uncle marsh. All right. So think these things through ask for some feedback and be welcoming with the feedback All right, even if you got to walk even if you disagree with it walk away from it Thank them because you want them in the future. You don't want them to tell you what you want to hear There's plenty of them people but that way you can um You can think about it in the offline hours, kind of work with it because you're going to find, find the strands of truth. There's some strands of truth in there. If you get defensive, it's probably because you secretly believe some of that anyway. So know thyself and begin to, uh, to work on those, uh, things as well. All right. So I've taken up enough of your time. I hope that you find this useful. Not just pleasant to listen to. If you notice, uh, those of you who are watching this on YouTube, on the playback, you'll notice my iPhone that's set up right behind me. That's because I'm on IG live. So if you want to get, uh, the episode beforehand, uh, then, uh, just connect with me there on Instagram and so I'll, uh, I'll record it. You get the side shot, uh, while I'm recording it, you get the live, the stumbles before my podcast editor Daniel gets in and it makes me sound golden. All right, so let's get out of here. Uh, don't forget the other podcast, uh, first thoughts. Uh, for more episodes, uh, raw episodes, and then the refined episodes right here on the Marsh Bice podcast, be sure and leave a rating and review, man. That's how we get the word out. That's how I need your help, man. Spreading the show. Um, thank you to those who have left voice memos of what it means, um, to you. Um, and where you are and how it helps. It's it's, I can't tell you how, how enjoyable it is, uh, to hear from others on that, I gotta go to work. So with that, keep it simple, keep it moving, never settle, keep building the toughness. Peace.