786. Mastering Your Voice: The Power of Assertive Communication

And being a leader, and you're a leader, if you're leading just you, you're a leader. But being a leader, leading your own life for others to follow means that you voice these requirements by using assertive communication. It doesn't mean that you're captain ass. You're assertive, so you're captain, assertive. It doesn't mean that you're inflexible. It doesn't mean that you lack empathy. It means that you're staying true. To your core values. Welcome to the The Marsh Buice Podcast where we make mental toughness simplified using five daily skills, communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning, and action. And productive confrontation. That way you'll be able to handle adversity, embrace uncertainty and beat complacency. I hope you enjoy and subscribe. Now, we started the previous episode on learning how to be an effective communicator and communication. You can't be successful without learning how to be an effective communicator, and it's so in depth. Communication is. That, you know, most of my podcasts, I like to keep 'em under 30 minutes. Most of 'em bang around 15 to 20. And there's so much to address in becoming an effective communicator that I couldn't just put it all in one episode. So we're gonna, we're gonna dice this thing up, man. We're gonna go hibachi style ta. And we're gonna, we're gonna dice it up. So if you didn't listen to the previous episode, or if you're like, bro, I forgot the previous episode. We talked about ways to be an effective communicator. Number one, it starts with with self-talk. That's that internal self-talk and I wanna jump a lot into it 'cause I really went in depth in that one. So please go back and listen to that episode. So it's self-talk. It is expressing your emotions effectively. It's managing those emotions and then it's active listening. Now, without clear communication, success is gonna remain elusive. Communication really lays the track for the path that you're gonna follow in life. And I always say outta the five pillars of. Practicing mental toughness every single day. Mental toughness, daily, your MTDs. It's communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning and action, and productive confrontation. I, I've always said that productive confrontation is probably the most important. I don't know, because you gotta communicate. And so really communication is probably the most important. Because the better you are, the better job you do at becoming an effective communicator means that you're equipped, skilled, empowered to productively confront some things. Confrontation is not a bad thing. It's actually a very good thing. But you have to learn how to productively do it. So enough about that 'cause we're gonna, as we go with these series. I'm gonna give you all my coaching for free 'cause I just want you to do better, so we'll, we'll, we'll dice all these up as we go along. I guess dice is my, my word for, for this episode. I, I seem to be using a lot. So effective communication. It's not rigid man. It's, it's, it's very fluid. You gotta be able to adapt because it's not a cookie cutter situation. Every situation, every person, and the same people are in different seasons or situations. Those are all different with effective communication. It's almost looking like communication with someone else is like a thumbprint. They're all super unique. So again, you don't have the same conversation with your loved ones, with your spouse. With the kids. It's not the same conversation every day. They're different situations. Similar. It may rhyme, but you're gonna approach it a little bit different. It could be the exact same situation that happened again, but you're gonna coach off of that. You're gonna direct off of that. You're gonna communicate off of that because the situation is just, it's a little bit different to rain on that. So you gotta remember, man, you gotta, you gotta stay agile with this. So the fourth part of becoming an effective communicator. Is assertive communication. Assertive has such a, a negative Nelly assert myself. That means like you're gonna just gonna boss up. It does mean that you're gonna be, you're gonna boss up in your life, but it's not that, that you're just gonna boss people around. Assertive communication is about expressing your needs and your boundaries Unambiguously. And unambiguous means that it's not left for interpretation. What you see is what you get. You're gonna clearly define your needs, your boundaries, and I'm not gonna leave it open for interpretation. And I think that's where you kind of fold in that productive confrontation that we'll talk more so about later on. I think this is where this kind of all folds in. So assertive communication is about empowering, and it's a testament to your mental resilience. I mean, think about this for a minute. How many times have you silenced your own voice? You just didn't want to, you didn't want to stir anything up, not today. And it really. It diminishes you as time goes on. Maybe not in the moment, but over time it just thin slices your confidence. It thin slices your trust, and it just erodes your relationship, your own identity too. So assertive communication doesn't allow any longer for you to silence your voice. I. How many times have you just not set boundaries, both personally and professionally? I say professionally, personal and professional. How many times have you not set those boundaries? When you should have, when you should have spoken up and when you should have stood? Firm? You gotta express your needs. Man and needs are not like some whimsical wish. They're fundamental requirements or obligations. Hey, I hope you're enjoying the episode so far. If you're ready to take your learning to the next level, sign up for coaching@marshbys.com. These are limited spots available. Be sure and reserve yours now, now back to the show. And being a leader, and you're a leader, if you're leading just you, you're a leader. But being a leader, leading your own life for others to follow means that you voice these requirements by using assertive communication. And again, I can't stress this enough. It doesn't mean that you're captain ass. You're captain assertive a s s, but you don't stop there. You're assertive, so you're captain, assertive. It doesn't mean that you're inflexible. It doesn't mean that you lack empathy. It means that you're staying true. To your core values. Now speaking of that, this is why it's important to create some values and principles. And dude, lemme tell you something. I went pretty much 90% of my life with no values or principles. Ain't no, I've heard of them, but. I didn't know what the hell they were. I didn't even know what that meant. And it seemed like those who had values were like, these people you see on the shelf behind me, like they had these core principles and values. You know, Ray Dalio comes to mind First thing you know, he's a big, I've got a couple of his books, principles, and then he's got a whole book based on values. And it was like, it wasn't until I read that book, I'm like, oh, okay. Think of it like this. Values are your nouns. Principles are your verbs. Values are what you stand for. Principles is the action that you take to support what you stand for. So when people say they're in alignment, it's because their values and their principles, they know what they stand for and they govern their life based on. What they stand for. They almost have assertive communication. And it's not always just verbal, sometimes it's just physical. It's the way they carry themselves, it's what they do, so they don't have to say it, they show it. So circling back to this, To support it values define what you believe in and principles guide your actions in supporting these beliefs. And when you can create some values and principles, I cannot begin to express to you how simple your life is gonna be. Life is not easy, but it is simple. When you make it simplified through values and principles, so when you create values and you have principles, the verbs that support these values, not only does it simplify life, it's gonna elevate your confidence because it lets others know where you stand being assertive. It's not about being difficult, it's about being decisive. For instance, lemme tell you what my core values are. My core values are directness, creativity, discipline, holistic health. And when I say holistic, the whole thing, I think there's six ways to become wealthy, healthy. Because your wealth is in your health, and your health is in a, what I call your six pack, not just your stomach. It's your six pack of life, man. Emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, relational, mental. Do you wanna be wealthy in life? Get healthy in those departments. Emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, relational, and mental. So this is my checklist. This is how I stay consistent. I have these values. It's what I govern my life by. And so when I roll out every single day, my principles align with those values. Case in point. If, if I walked up to you and asked you your values and then you had to go check a list, then you're not living the values, right? You could walk up to me and I can rail out my values. I know what they are. That's what I stand for.'cause I govern my life by, it wasn't always that way. I'm just captain crush it, meaning that I told everybody else what to do, but my whole life was being crushed. Now, that's why my life is so much more peaceful and simplified and I'm so much more confident and I have so exponential results. It's 'cause values in my principles. This is what being in alignment is. So I don't have a bunch of bullshit. I don't have a bunch of confusion around me. No, I. And so what's beautiful about this, when you have values, then as you go through your day, you just check the list. Does it violate one of my values, what I stand for? Yes, it does. Not doing it, I You wanna go to strip Club Marsh? Nope. Violates my values not going to have I done it? Damn right. I am not in that season anymore, man. In my twenties. Yeah, my thirties. Yeah. Now, no, not even interested. It's so far off the radar. It's not even a thought. It's stuff like that. Just using that as an example. Assertive communication isn't about words, man. It's not just the words, it's about the actions. It's about how you embody it, and it's about consistency. I. This is what's gonna give you that straight path in life. It's metaphorical. There's gonna be peaks and valleys, there's gonna be winding roads, there's gonna be curves. But you know, part of it too, man, is being able to, with values and principles is when there's a curve, I'm able to take the curve with it. So when life all of a sudden doesn't about face and it's a winding road, I. I could take the curve because I know what my values and principles are. I know I'm spending a lot of time on this, but I've gotta stress to you how important, taking a few minutes and just Google it of values. What are common values? Find a handful. I I, I try to do everything on one hand. So that way it makes things simple for me. I have six steps checkpoints that I go through life every day and the only reason why it's number six is because I have to share content. I have to share. And I think that's why you should have six too. I just did an episode on that. I think it's a couple episodes back. I don't remember what number it is. 7 84 maybe. But it's. It's having these things so that way you can, having these checkpoints so that way you can go through your day and you're not negotiating with yourself. You're just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And it still has flexibility so that way I can maneuver as I need to. But anyway, this assertive communication is what's going to give you this straight path versus this loop to loop. This is why you get inconsistent. This is why you, your, your shit's all over the place. Like you're just totally confused. And the reason being is, is because you got no clear path, assertive communication and establishing some values and principles, it's gonna keep that thing flexible yet. Consistent. And if you need some help with that, I can help you. You sign up, get on the team, man, sign up for your coaching and we can, we can set these values and then I can kick you in the ass and make sure you're staying on track and we'll talk about that. And I'll put these size twelves up in you. If you ain't acting right, I'm gonna give you some act, right? So if you're unsure what to do, man, this is, this is what's really great about the values and principles, and this is how you will find clarity in your life. Clarity is earned, man. It's not given, I was just talking to a guy the other day on X or Twitter, and he was, I forgot what we were talking about. You know, some of this was about the clarity and I told him, man, I said, clarity is earned. It's not something you don't, oh, I think he was talking about just taking, you know, taking the next step, taking steps and then you'll figure things out. Yes. And so sometimes, you know, we're so hell Ben on, well, I gotta know what to do first before I get off the damn couch. No, just. Take the step. It's not gonna be perfect. It's gonna have many iterations. It's not gonna be right. You're going to make some mistakes. I hope you make mistakes.'cause that's the only way that you learn and what you think is perfect. Now it's gonna be a shit can five years from now in, in comparison to where you are five years ago. Great. That shows that you've been growing. So as you go throughout, this is where the clarity. It gets more clear, the clarity becomes more defined, and because you're learning how to be an effective communicator, things become more clear because you're using, so far, these four pillars, the self-talk, expressing your emotions effectively. You're actively listening and you're being an assertive communicator. So even when, here's what's beautiful about this. Even when the outcomes don't meet your expectations, you were hoping this didn't happen because you established some boundaries. Because you spoke up because you made a decision That decisiveness. We'll get you back on track. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. Maybe you didn't have all of the necessary information that you should have, but you can adjust. Rarely is anything fatal. You think it is. It may feel like it in the moment, but it's not. So you can adjust. But because through assertive communication, you make these, you speak up, you set the boundaries, you set the course. They know what you stand for, based on your values and your principles.'cause you do that, even if it didn't have the right outcome. Home you learn, you make the adjustment. You're decisive. And lemme tell you something, dude. People gravitate toward that. They love someone, even if it's the wrong decision. Think about how many people you have followed and you just absolutely love 'em. Did they make mistakes? Damn right, they did. Shit. Your parents are one of 'em. My daughter's next door getting dressed right now. I guarantee you she can rail out the mistakes, but she loves her dad and she follows her dad. Okay. I. So people gravitate toward that. They wanna be rocking with somebody who's making some fucking decisions. And even if it's wrong, they own up to it and they, and they rock on. They keep going. That's what gives you the confidence, and this is what builds that team, that alliance that you need as you roll out on your life. All right, so let's get outta here. Lemme give you some actionable takeaways. It's four of them. First one, reflect on your core values. Again, if you need some help, sign up for coaching. I'll get you set up, but if you wanna do it on your own, just Google it. Go to chat. What? Do the chat. G p T, and that's the bots. What are some common values or copy mine if you want to, if you stand for that. So reflect on your core values. I think you should look at this every day. You should be able to rail 'em out. What truly matters to you based on those core values. That's your principles. The second one, define your guiding principles. Speaking of that, define your principles or your verbs to your nouns, your principles or your actions to what you stand for. Your values. So how will you act on your values? Just quick sentence Health. I'll only eat the foods that support. My health, and that's why I plan my meals every single day. I've worked hard to get a chisel body at age 50. I'm gonna keep it too. I just invest in, it's not hard now. It was hard to get there and I ain't giving it back. The third one, practice assertive communication today. You gotta practice it every day, man. It's not, you don't just proclaim it. It's, this is how you build courage is, you know. Starting small and it's asserting your boundaries. Even with a spouse, with a kid, with your parents, with your mom. You don't owe her nothing. She gave birth to you. Great. She did what she was supposed to do. Don't feel like that you, they manipulate you, man. Sometimes parents just manipulate you and make you feel bad and like a piece of shit. No. So set the boundaries and speak up your needs. What have you been holding back? I'm telling you, characterize it and dude, lemme tell you something. When you start speaking up and you voice these things and you say, fuck it, whatever it is, I'm gonna deal with it. Remember, it doesn't, doesn't matter what the outcome is. Assertive communication. I can make the adjustment. I'll be fine. When you do this and you do it a couple of times, you're gonna be like, woo, let's go. Let's go. And then the last one, remember, every situation is unique. Every situation is unique. It's a thumbprint. So adapt, but always stay true to your values and let your principles guide you through your day. Thanks so much for checking out today's episode. Be sure. And subscribe to both the podcast and YouTube channel that way you won't miss any future episodes. If you want access to thousands of free content. Blogs videos, podcasts go to marshbuice.com that's my name, M a R S H B U I C E. And there you will have access to all of the free resources. And if you're ready to take your learning to the next level, sign up for coaching today. These are limited spots. So reserve yours today in the bottom, right? Is a mic from you to me, let me know what's going on in your world and how I can help. I'm no hair, but I'm all ears. If you would help support the show by sharing it with someone else. Else and leaving a kind rating and review certainly would appreciate that because there's millions of podcasts out there. And it could be your words that you leave behind that begins to initiate the change for someone else to stop and say, you know what? I don't want to check this one out. Until we meet again. Remember, keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough.