785.The Dance of Effective Communication: From Self-Talk to Active Listening

effective communication. It's a dance with a lot of moving parts, people, circumstances, emotions. You never become an effective communicator based on back in 2014, I got the Effective Communicator Award. Something that continuously changes. It's always evolving because circumstances, motions, everything. People, they all change. Everybody's in different seasons. Being an effective communicator means that you learn to dance in between these things, and that's the way that you thrive. That's the way that you survive to thrive. This is the way that you succeed Welcome to the The Marsh Buice Podcast where we make mental toughness simplified using five daily skills, communication, curiosity, creativity, continuous learning, and action. And productive confrontation. That way you'll be able to handle adversity, embrace uncertainty and beat complacency. I hope you enjoy and subscribe. Alright, let's get it. Today we're gonna dive into the essence of effective communication. Effective communication is the cornerstone of resilience and adaptability and mental toughness. I. I can tell you this, you will not be successful in life as good as the invention that you think you have. No matter how much money that you amass in life, you will never be successful if you don't learn how to effectively communicate. So we're gonna do this in a two-part series. The first part I'm gonna dive into. Three ways to be an effective communicator to get better at it. Because if you can break these things down and look at 'em and analyze them and have that self-reflection and self-awareness, then you're gonna learn to do better and be a better communicator as well. So the first component of being an effective communicator is self-talk. That's the key part of your mental tur toughness is how you talk to yourself. See, you can talk shit to yourself. You're not allowed to talk shit about yourself, and there's a big difference between talking shit to yourself versus talking shit about yourself. When you talk a little smack to yourself, this is where you get roused up a little bit, right? This is where you say, no, I'm not backing down. It's just not gonna happen. I understand things are tough. I understand it's unfair, but damnit, they ain't seen the last of me. See, that's talking shit to yourself, talking shit about yourself. That's where you just, you shrink. You keep slicing away. Putting this narrative of, man, it's just not right. You know, they've always had it out for you. See, you're, you're talking shit about yourself and you just weak and weak, and weak and weak and weaken until you're poof, never even existed at all. Here's the question that you gotta ask. Does your internal self-talk talk? Does it push you harder or does it weaken you? Now, along the way, You're gonna have these thoughts about what is it, 60,000 of them you're gonna have. So you're gonna have some thoughts. But here's the thing, keep it a thought. Don't think on it. See, when you think on it, that's when you feed the thought. And the more you feed it, depending on what you're feeding it, the worse it's gonna get for you. So, which dog are you feeding? These thoughts are gonna pop in that you're not good enough, that you're not ready, that you're gonna get judged, that it's not gonna happen for you. These thoughts are gonna come in, but let 'em let 'em pass in and out. Man. They're gonna come. You can have the thought. Don't give it any more thinking than you have to. If you're going to give it some thinking, then the thing that you should be thinking about is how to productively look at my options, using my creativity and my curiosity to improve, to pull my way out and up. Now, the way that you talk to yourself, that internal chatter, you're teaching others. How to treat and talk to you because that internal chatter, what's going on inside manifests on the outside. It's the way that you carry yourself. It's your body language, no eye contact, zero confidence, and then. You open your mouth and you use weakened diminishing language. That weakened language starts with, you know, I could be wrong. You know? Have you ever thought about, you're padding the rejection? And so it's no wonder I. Your voice didn't get heard. It's no wonder nobody's taking your call. It's no wonder nobody calls on you in a meeting. It's no wonder nobody wants to know your opinion at work. The reason being is because you're using this weakened language. The reason all this weakened language comes from manifests from your body. To your speech and it originated from that old internal self-talk. So self-talk is big. You think that it's not, it is. It all shows up a second Part of being an effective communicator. Is expressing your emotions effectively. This is big. I mean, as long as things are going right for you, you're good. But the minute the ball doesn't bounce your way, the minute the tide turns on you, you become like an 11 year old. I mean, you're kicking, you're screaming, you're punching the walls, you're going off on everybody. Nobody wants to be around you. Learning how to express yourself and your emotions effectively is a key component. You're never going to get anybody to run alongside of you. You're never going to build a team. You're never going to be able to sustain success if you don't learn how to manage your emotions and don't let your emotions manage you. Actually, scratch that. Don't let your emotions pimp you, and that's what happens. We get drug all around. Because things aren't going our way. Things are not gonna always go your way. They're not always supposed to go your way because you would never learn if everything was a win. What would push you to grow, to learn, to be curious, to be creative. Nothing. So learning how to express your emotions effectively is so key, man. That's that self-talk, and it starts inside. And so you learn how to express yourself effectively, where when you communicate, when you open your mouth, when you do things yourself, even if nobody's around, you're figuring out how to build a bridge. Not dig a ditch. Case in point, I just finished Netflix documentary about Johnny Menzel and he was the freshman phenom there at Texas a and m. I mean, just, he was good as long as he was the man, but when he became just a man and got to the N F L. He cracked 'cause he didn't learn how to manage his emotions. I think the name of the documentary is Untold and there was all this stuff going on with Menzel. Like he got to college and he had a terrible work ethic and so he was partying all night, but he would show up on game time and he was just a god. Just lighten 'em up. And so the coaches pretty much look the other way. But here's an interesting thing. There are two words, two ethoses that will cause your success are your demise. The two words are eventually and ultimately, and so eventually, because he was partying all night, it caught up with him. Ultimately bounce him outta the N F L. And because see, he didn't, he didn't have the work ethic. This self-talk was just that. He was the man. He didn't put it, they said he didn't even open up a playbook. He just weaned it. Imagine if he would've really perfected his craft. Who he'd be. He wouldn't be living in his parents' house today, who he is. But see, because he couldn't manage his emotions and express his self effectively emotionally, he got to the N F L. It got hard and he said, uh, I don't wanna play this anymore. I don't wanna play this game and bounce outta the league. Hey, I hope you're enjoying the episode so far. If you're ready to take your learning to the next level, sign up for coaching at marshbuice.com these are limited spots available. Be sure and reserve yours now, now back to the show. Part of the reason, man, why you're stuck right now in life. Is a blessing. It's a blessing because you may be technically sound, you may have all the mechanisms in place, all the talent, all the skills, but you haven't learned how to express your emotions effectively and so you're stalled out, which is a good thing because you're unfit mentally and emotionally. I. Don't take it as a shame. Don't take it as a a rib shot here. It's life telling you, oh man, there's some things you need to work on. You got all this, the outside ready, but it's like baking a cake. The outside's golden brown, the inside, it's all gooey. It ain't ready yet. So having that self-awareness and that self-reflection that we're talking about today, You're gonna check your self talk and you're also going to check on how well you deal and express yourself emotionally. Well gotta have that, and it starts right here. How you express your emotions inside. Well, even when nobody's around, how do you work these things through? Options, opportunities, curiosity, creativity, confrontation, learning. It's all key. It's everything. And when you can do that inside, it's an inside out game. When you could do that inside, then you slowly bring it to the outside and when it doesn't work, you click, you check. Fix it. Splice in like a movie and then you rock home from there. The third component that is key to being an effective communicator is active listening. Who This is one. This is my Achilles heel. Active listening man. Active listening is so important. Because it's a participatory sport. It's a dance, and so being in sales does not make me always the best active listener because we're trained to push past the no, the rejection. If we faded back every time someone told us no, we'd end up at a minimum wage job. It wouldn't work. So we've gotta push past that rejection, not take the no on the chin. Don't take no as a no. It's a k and o w They don't always know everything about your product, your service. They don't know how, what I do can improve their lifestyle, their efficiencies, minimize their risk, make 'em look better. They don't know. So I gotta, I gotta work through those things. It's a dance, but the active listening is where. You gain an understanding what the other party is saying both professionally and personally, but you gain an understanding along with empathy where you're feeling you're tapping into their emotions. Doesn't mean you have to go. You can't have apathy and just be like, it's too bad. You gotta have empathy. Where you're, you're flowing with your emotions. You're walking with your emotions. Doesn't mean you go down the drain with them. See, when you have empathy for your kid, you don't lose your shit with your kid because they're losing their shit. No, but you understand, bro, I feel you. This is why I believe in life. Half of what you go through is for you. The other half that you go through is for you to be able to relate to others. See if, if I wasn't bankrupt, demoted, divorced, alcoholic, suicidal, homeless, I mean, there's six things. If I didn't have those things, I wouldn't be able to relate. To some people. I know what it's like to have a light bill turned off. I know what it's like to get emergency food stamps. I know what it's like to be on wic. I know what it's like to not have a stove or a refrigerator. I know what it's like to run from the repo man. I know what it's like to just not wanna live anymore. I know what it's like to drink every single night. I know these things. I've been there. It's empathy. Being an active listener is not where you're one-upping the other person, but you tap into their emotions and where they're coming from. You walk with 'em and you gain an understanding. Can you make an argument just as good for the other person's perspective as you can for your own? Don't be so quick to defend your position. Don't be so quick to dismiss someone. Because you don't agree with the way they think or they haven't been doing this as long as you have. And let me tell you something, don't get all into the neck. Roll, move, man. Learn to be an active listener where you're working and dancing with the other party. In conclusion, man, effective communication. It's a dance with a lot of moving parts, people, circumstances, emotions. You never become an effective communicator based on back in 2014, I got the Effective Communicator Award. Something that continuously changes. It's always evolving because circumstances, motions, everything. People, they all change. Everybody's in different seasons. Being an effective communicator means that you learn to dance in between these things, and that's the way that you thrive. That's the way that you survive to thrive. This is the way that you succeed is being able to have a better self-talk is to improve your self-talk. Being aware of that. It's learning how to express your emotions effectively and then being an active listener. And dude, this is just part one. There's more that we're gonna talk about on ways to become an effective communicator on the next episode. But I won't chop this up 'cause I don't wanna bog you down too much. Right. Your success is not just based on your brilliant ideas, man. It's how you learn to bring your badassery, your genius, your great ideas, your immense talent and skills, and how you can thread it and. Connect it to other people as well. All right, so before we rock outta here, let me leave you with a few self-reflective questions. The first one, what's the narrative of my self-talk today? Narrative is key. So what narrative are you writing? You talking shit? Remember? Are you doubtful about your work or doubtful about your worth, your work? You could change all that your worth. You just get weaker. So shift that thing over and say, what? What is it I gotta get better at? That's the narrative. So pay attention to that narrative is so key. The second self-reflective question. See, I wanna leave you with something. This is a working podcast. The second question I wanna leave you with is, how am I navigating my emotions during these challenges? How well do I, do I get it? I'm the champ. I'm the man. I'm easy to get along with. As long as everything's going my way, I. But when it doesn't go my way and my Dr. Jack Fool and Mr. Hyde, which one was it? Mr. Hyde was the bad one. I don't know. Well, which one? You know, which, which guy are we getting today? Which Marsh is showing up? I gotta fight that guy, man. I gotta make sure that just because things aren't going right for me, that I don't just blow my top on people. That's the thing. You gotta question yourself. And the last part, am I genuinely. Listening. Do you understand or am I just trying to get a word in? Am I Uhhuh Uhhuh? Uhhuh Uhhuh. Scrolling on social media? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, I got the solution. No. Are you actively listening? Will you put your phone down? Will you listen? Will you dance? Will you gain an understanding? And make the argument for their position to gain an understanding and not be so quick to dismiss, discredit, and defend your own position. All right. Lemme know if I can help you. The Sales life1@gmail.com. The sales life, the number1@gmail.com. I don't know if anybody even uses anymore, but if you still do rock out there, I'm on all the socials. I really hang out on uh, Twitter, Instagram at Marsh Spice. And also you can go to marsh bias.com, and there you will find thousands, thousands, literally thousands of free resources of podcasts, of videos, of blogs. You can get on Twitter, see the threads you can get on Instagram, see the threads on there. I got videos also on TikTok. It's at the marsh bias on TikTok. So I, I've got, I'm, I'm putting the information out there. I'm right there on YouTube. On YouTube shorts. I'm putting that out there for you. Doesn't matter what I put out there. If you don't figure out a way to use it, use it, apply it, use what works for you, and then share it with someone else. Share this episode with someone else who needs it. Share this with your team and if you want to take your skills to the next level, you wanna learn how to be M T D mentally tough daily. Sign up for the coaching. I've only got limited spots. I can't take a whole bunch, but I've got limited spots. Thanks so much for checking out today's episode. Be sure. 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Stay tough.